The Michigan Daily: Hi, my name is Victoria and you’ve been chosen to do the Random Student Interview for The Michigan Daily. Would you like to do it?

Random: Yes.

TMD: All right, the first question I’ve got is: Are you feeling more “I Touch Myself” or “Sexual Healing?”

R: Definitely, “Sexual Healing.”

TMD: Why do you feel more like “Sexual Healing” when I feel more like “I Touch Myself?”

R: Well it’s always better with someone else obviously.

TMD: Well I’m glad you have that option. Good for you. OK, next question: what is your emotional age? Like what age do you feel? For example I feel like I’m 16, because I still feel like I just got my license.

R: Depends on what I’m doing. When I’m doing homework I feel like I’m 85.

TMD: Oh God, average it.

R: I guess on average I’d say 40, but most of the time I feel like I’m 14.

TMD: Why?

R: I do a lot of loud singing.

TMD: Loud singing? Me, too. What’s your favorite thing to sing?

R: My roommate and I like to play sleazy oldies music, and play it really loud in our dorm.

TMD: Do you like Billy Joel by any chance? I’m a huge fan.

R: Yeah, I don’t see why not.

TMD: How do you feel about Hanukkah Harry? I think he’s a bush or something.

R:(Silence)

TMD: Hmm, nothing about Hanukkah Harry? Are you familiar with Hanukkah Harry? No? OK, next question. So finals are coming up. How do you stay up for 24 hours straight?

R: Mountain Dew.

TMD: You can do that with just Mountain Dew? How much Mountain Dew?

R: I’d say probably a bottle every four hours.

TMD: That’s it? Jesus that’s great, cause I’m all coffee, because it’s really hard for me to stay up.

R: I have a personal thing against coffee.

TMD: You have a personal thing against coffee? And you’re in college? How do you survive?

R: I know as soon as I start drinking, I’ll get addicted like everyone else, so I refuse to get involved in the whole situation.

TMD: OK, so you’re rebelling. Good for you. Are you familiar with the Paris and Nicky split? Who do you relate to more: Paris or Nicky?

R: I don’t like either of them.

TMD: Why not?

R: Cause I think they’re sleazy. But I know more about Paris, so I’ll go with that.

TMD: How old do you think she was when she lost her virginity?

R: Probably like, 8.

TMD: Well that’s legal in some states, I’m sure. OK great. Do you think Paris is killing Nicky psychologically? I just noticed how skinny (Nicky) was getting all of the sudden.

R: Either that or she’s got the Olsen twins thing going on, and is doing a lot of crack.

TMD: I think cocaine, because I’m pretty sure they can afford it. And do you know where Lindsay Lohan would fit into all of this?

R: I used to like Lindsay Lohan.

TMD: So did I! Wasn’t she hot in “Mean Girls” when she had boobs and stuff?

R: Yeah, then she was cool because she was like a real person.

TMD: And now she looks really sick.

R: Now, she’s just the same as Britney Spears. She’s like the exact same person

TMD: Except Britney Spears is a lot dirtier, right? I think the guy Britney Spears is with makes her a lot dirtier than everyone else. All right, anyway, do you know about the Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson breakup. Who do you think will get over the breakup first? Nick Lachey or Jessica Simpson?

R: I have no idea. I hate all these people, so I just do my best to avoid their lives.

TMD: OK, sorry about that. If you were on a safari what animal would you shoot first?

R: Definitely a gazelle cause that’s like my personal animal.

TMD: You have a personal animal? Does everyone have a personal animal?

R: Yeah, definitely.

TMD: And you’re a gazelle because?

R: Because they’re just awesome.

TMD: Give me more, give me more. I want descriptive awesome.

R: Everyone on my team says I run like a gazelle. And I think it would just be sweet to be able to run forever in big open fields like gazelles do.

TMD: What team?

R: Ultimate Frisbee.

TMD: Oh, you’re on the Ultimate Frisbee team? If you love gazelles so much, why would you want to shoot one? (Wouldn’t) it kind of be like committing suicide and shooting yourself?

R: No, because then I could shoot it and look at it.

TMD: Oh, because you can’t be one, you’re getting back at it?

R: If I can’t be it, he can’t be it either.

TMD: Great, take it out on the gazelle, that’s good. OK, how many of your Facebook friends have you hooked up with?

R: Well none. I don’t do that.

TMD: Are you on Facebook?

R: Yeah.

TMD: And there’s no one on your Facebook friend list you’ve hooked up with?

R: Well, my boyfriend.

TMD: Oh, you have a boyfriend? You don’t count. Oh, no wonder you responded to “Sexual Healing.” And the last question is: What’s your biggest library pet peeve? I’ve got like 10.

R: I’ve definitely got one. Let me think of one for a second. I hate when people sit too close to me.

TMD: Like invading your personal space kind of deal?

R: Like if there’s a lot of open space and someone sits at the table next to you.

TMD: The worst thing for me is when I sit next to a bunch of engineers. You know, like only the CAEN computers are open and you find yourself surrounded by engineers and they smell like really bad. No offense, if you’re an engineer, I’m sorry.

R: I’m not.

TMD: OK, cool. I think they all just have bad hygiene. Well thank you so much for talking to me and hopefully this will be in the paper Thursday. And it was so much fun talking to you and yeah – so good luck being like a gazelle.

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