Roommate of Random: Hello?

The Michigan Daily: Hi Lauren?

ROR: Hang on.

Random: Hello?

TMD: Hi, Lauren?

R: Yeah.

TMD: Hey Lauren … hang on one second …

(To the rest of the Daily Arts staff.) SHUT UP! I’m trying to do the random!

(Back to Random.) So Lauren, you’ve been selected to be the Halloween edition of the Random Student Interview for The Michigan Daily. Are you game?

R: (Pause) OK.

TMD: What are you dressing up as this year?

R: Yeah, but I’m not sure as what.

TMD: OK, what are the options, I’ll help you pick.

R: (Checks with roommate.) We don’t know yet.

TMD: Nothing? Really getting down to the wire here.

R: Sorry.

TMD: You don’t have to apologize to me. Its not my Halloween that’s gonna be ruined. You have to have some idea.

R: … Elvis.

TMD: OK, we’ll keep that in the maybe pile. What was your favorite costume from Halloweens past?

R: Last year I was a pumpkin.

TMD: Like a scary pumpkin or a nice pumpkin?

R: A nice one.

TMD: Was there ever something you wanted to be really badly when you were a kid but your mom wouldn’t let you dress up as that?

R: My mom? No, but I wanted to be Madonna.

TMD: Why don’t you dress up as Madonna this year?

R: That’s what I’m gonna do.

TMD: Which is a worse costume for this year: R. Kelly or Kobe Byrant?

R: R. Kelly.

TMD: Cause he’d pee on people, right?

R: Yep.

TMD: That’s no good. There’s a lot of talk of sexy girl costumes but what about the guys? What can a guy dress up as to drive the ladies nuts?

R: (Asks roommate and disappears)

TMD: Hey no help! This about you.

R: Captain Morgan and you can give out shots.

TMD: Girls love alcohol and pirates. Two birds, one stone. Which is the worse treat, pennies or black licorice?

R: Black licorices.

TMD: Trick of choice: Eggs, toilet paper or flaming bag of poop?

R: (Laughs) Eggs. They’re gross.

TMD: Do you like scary movies?

R: No.

TMD: No? Why not?

R: They’re scary.

TMD: What’s the worst scary movie for you, one that’s haunted you for years and you have nightmares about?

R: “Silence of the Lambs.”

TMD: Yeah, I hate that too. Did you ever make it all the way through?

R: Never.

TMD: Really, the end is the scariest part. Do you believe in ghosts?

R: Yes.

TMD: Yeah? Ever had a run in with one?

R: Yeah at my backyard in Miami.

TMD: There’s ghosts in Miami? I didn’t know that. What happened?

R: Umm … I went back inside.

TMD: You just ran back inside? What was the apparition doing?

R: I’m not going to lie. I wasn’t sober.

TMD: You’d been drinking and you saw a ghost …

R: It was in a tree.

TMD: Did you ever think it might have been a squirrel?

R: No, never thought that.

TMD: What did it look like?

R: I can’t describe it. It was trippy shit.

TMD: Do you believe in vampires?

R: No, I don’t believe in vampires.

TMD: Bigfoot?

R: (Laughs) No.

TMD: Aliens?

R: No, but my friend thinks she was abducted.

TMD: But you don’t believe her?

R: Nah.

TMD: Umm … just Floridian tree ghosts. So who would win in a fight between King Kong and Godzilla?

R: Godzilla.

TMD: Freddy or Jason?

R: Jason.

TMD: Dracula or Frankenstein?

R: Frankenstein.

TMD: “Monster Mash” or “Thriller?”

R: Like Michael Jackson? “Thriller.”

TMD: Creature from the Black Lagoon or Cookie Monster.

R: Cookie Monster.

TMD: Ann Coulter or the Wolfman?

R: What?

TMD: Don’t worry it about. Ah, how do you kill a zombie?

R: He’s … dead.

TMD: Very good, it was a trick question. How do you stop a zombie?

R: You … don’t.

TMD: Cut off the head. Remember, that will save your life. Anyways, have you ever been to a haunted house?

R: Yeah. It was scary. They had shit jumping out of secret places.

TMD: What kind of shit?

R: Like people.

TMD: Yeah, people can be pretty shitty. Who was Charlie Brown wanting for on Halloween?

R: His lover?

TMD: No …

R: Oh, his dog Snoopy!

TMD: No, no the Great Pumpkin. Missed that one, Lauren. Minus five points.

R: Oh God.

TMD: OK, apple bobbing etiquette question …

R: OK.

TMD: If you go down for an apple and somebody decides to pants you and then pushes you into the water, then gets everybody in your whole third grade class to turn around and point and laugh and they all start calling you “Scotty Scott No-Pants” for the next ten years … is it OK to still be angry about that?

R: Ummm … no you should get over that.

TMD: OK, I’ll tell my friend. It didn’t happen to me it happened to a friend, he’s still bitter about it … still cries … OK, well thanks for your help Lauren. Happy Halloween.


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