The Michigan Daily: Is Adam there?

Random: No.

TMD: Who is this?

R: This is Roger.

TMD: Hi, Roger. You”ve been randomly selected for The Michigan Daily”s Random Student Interview. Are you familiar with the Random Student Interview?

R: Um, I”m not really familiar with it.

TMD: It”s a feature that runs every Thursday in the Daily”s Weekend Magazine. It”ll make you famous! Do you have a minute?

R: Uh, sure.

TMD: Excellent. In honor of Black History Month, I”ve prepared a series of racially harmonious questions for you. Sound OK?

R: Sure.

TMD: All right. First question: Do you prefer white russians or black russians?

R: What do you mean, white russians or black Russians like the drink? Well, I”ve only had white Russians, so I guess white Russians.

TMD: You know the soft-serve ice cream machines at McDonald”s? In your experience, has the advent of the vanilla-chocolate swirl option served to promote racial equality?

R: I don”t think so.

TMD: Not even a little bit?

R: Well, I think if it did, they”d have a yellow flavor, like lime or lemon or something, for the, uh, other races.

TMD: Are you personally black?

R: No.

TMD: What about Michael Jackson? Is he personally black?

R: Uh, yes.

TMD: Yes?

R: Uh, yes, he is black, isn”t he?

TMD: I suppose.

R: I could go get someone else”s opinion

TMD: No, that”s perfectly all right. Um, did you ever watch “Diff”rent Strokes” as a kid?

R: Is that the one with Gary Coleman?

TMD: Yes.

R: I”ve seen a couple of episodes, but I don”t really remember any of them.

TMD: So you wouldn”t remember the little red-haired kid?

R: No, sorry.

TMD: That question is shot to hell. Well, you know the girl who played Kimberly on the show became a junkie and ended up dead by the time she was 35. Do you think it was the pressure of growing up in a bi-racial household that finally pushed her over the edge?

R: Is that part of the show, or is that the real actress?

TMD: That”s the real actress.

R: Did she really grow up in a bi-racial household?

TMD: Um, no.

R: Then no.

TMD: Do you think she ever said “I want to be a junkie when I grow up?”

R: Umm maybe. Maybe at some point in time.

TMD: Have you ever said that?

R: Uh, I have said it before. But I didn”t say “I want to be a junkie” I said “I want to be a bum.”

TMD: Enough of that nonsense. Have you ever dated someone outside your race?

R: Uh, yeah.

TMD: Yeah? Did your grandma freak out?

R: Uh, no. My grandma probably didn”t know.

TMD: She was pretty cool?

R: Yeah.

TMD: All right, that”s all I”ve got for today. You can read this tomorrow on page two of Weekend. Thanks for being a good sport!

R: Thank you.

TMD: Bye.

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