Random: Hello?

The Michigan Daily: Hi, who’s this?

R: This is Rachel.

TMD: Hi Rachel, I’m calling from The Michigan Daily, and you’ve been selected to do this week’s Random Student Interview.

R: Oh, whoa! No way!

TMD: Oh, it’s true.

R: Oh man.

TMD: So you want to do it?

R: What do I have to do?

TMD: Answer some questions.

R: Right now?

TMD: Yeah.

R: OK, sure, why not?

TMD: Haha, OK. First question: How are you and how was your weekend?

R: I’m fabulous and my weekend was not as exciting as I’d like it to be.

TMD: Why not?

R: I’m in a play right now, and I had rehearsal, so I didn’t really get to spend that much time out and about, but I did get a lot of homework done. I don’t know if that makes me nerdy or productive.

TMD: Well, that makes you a thespian.

R: Yes, it does. Perhaps an artist.

TMD: Perhaps. What’s your part?

R: I play The Girl. She’s called The Girl because she can’t decide what her name is.

TMD: Wow, she sounds like a pretty cool girl.

R: Yeah, she’s an interesting character.

TMD: She sounds just like you!

R: Haha, close. But there are some differences, though. She’s a prostitute, so I think that’s where we diverge.

TMD: Yeah, I hope that you’re not like her.

R: No, not in that respect.

TMD: Haha, OK. What’s a better computer game: “Oregon Trail” or Solitaire?

R: Oh, “Oregon Trail.”

TMD: Did you have the old-school black and white version?

R: No, we had the color version.

TMD: Is that the one where you could buy every item known to man to take on your trip?

R: Yes, and then you could die of snakebites or falling in the river.

TMD: Yeah, or getting mauled by a bear. That’s how I died a lot. How come when you went hunting, you could shoot all these different types of animals but you could only bring back 200 pounds of food?

R: Because a human being could only carry so much.

TMD: Well, why didn’t he just bring somebody with him?

R: I don’t know. I guess the people who made that game didn’t think about that.

TMD: So what are you doing for St. Patrick’s Day?

R: You know, I haven’t really thought about it.

TMD: You’re not going to be drinking at 7 a.m.?

R: No, more like 7:30.

TMD: Yeah, you don’t want to start too early. Have you ever had an Irish car bomb?

R: Yeah, I have. I do like them, and I don’t even like Guinness.

TMD: Yeah, I had one and I didn’t really like it that much.

R: Really? I had it in Windsor and it was delish.

TMD: Delish? How would you spell delish?

R: D-e-l-i-s-h. Period.

TMD: Period. OK, I’ll be sure to write that down. So what kind of guy do you think St. Patrick was?

R: I think he was a party animal.

TMD: Haha, why would you say that?

R: That’s kind of how we celebrate his day.

TMD: Yeah, but does that mean that Uncle Sam was like a pyrotechnics specialist?

R: Hahaha, I guess not. I don’t really know what St. Patrick did to be honest. Probably sold Lucky Charms.

TMD: Yeah, did the guy from the Lucky Charms ads freak you out?

R: No, but when I was little, I was scared of the Snuggle bear.

TMD: Why were you scared of the Snuggle bear?

R: I didn’t like his eyes. They were creepy. And it was a teddy bear who talks and moves and touches your laundry.

TMD: Yeah, but that’s like Teddy Ruxpin.

R: I didn’t like him either. I don’t do well with the animatronic bears, I guess.

TMD: Hahaha, fair enough. Would you ever wear a “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” shirt?

R: You know what? I don’t think I would. I’m not Irish.

TMD: That doesn’t really matter. What about one that said “Kiss Me, I’m a Michigan Wolverine?”

R: That would do. It would be more accurate.

TMD: Would you buy one of those?

R: I might buy one of those. It might work.

TMD: If it was between that shirt and a Buck the Fuckeyes shirt, what would you get?

R: “Kiss Me, I’m a Michigan Wolverine.”

TMD: Yeah, it’s just nicer.

R: Plus, how do you buck someone?

TMD: Well, it’s just like a play on their name.

R: Oh, I know. I just think it’s very uneffective. And who are these Fuckeyes? I don’t get it.

TMD: It’s the Buckeyes, but just with an F instead of a B.

R: Someone should have thought that one through.

TMD: Yeah, I guess so. Did you watch “Full House” when you were younger?

R: All the time.

TMD: Who would you rather hang out with: The Olsen twins or the Bush twins?

R: Probably the Bush twins. It would be a more exciting experience.

TMD: Yeah, with the Olsen twins, you’re always dealing with anorexia.

R: And the Bush twins like to get their party on.

TMD: Just like you.

R: Yeah, I guess so!

TMD: Would a good pickup line for me to use when I’m approaching a nice lady be: Hi, I’m a writer for The Michigan Daily?

R: Yes, but I think you should expand on that more. Like “I’m a writer for The Michigan Daily … and I’m really good in bed … and you have nice eyes.” Throw out your GPA, maybe.

TMD: Yeah, my GPA is not really that high, though.

R: Well, maybe she can relate.

TMD: Yeah, maybe she’s dumb, too.

R: Yeah, hopefully.

TMD: Was there a movie you watched all the time when you were a little kid?

R: Definitely. “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.”

TMD: Cool. When I was a little kid, I watched “Mrs. Doubtfire” all the time.

R: That was an awesome movie. “Hot Jambalaya.”

TMD: Haha, yeah. That’s not really the most famous line from it, but … What was the best “Karate Kid” movie?

R: The first one.

TMD: Did you think it was impressive that you could wax a car and still learn karate?

R: Those are life skills. It was pretty impressive.

TMD: Do you know karate?

R: No, I know tai-chi, though.

TMD: How is that different?

R: It’s less hitting, maybe?

TMD: And more spiritual.

R: Yeah, more meditative, less hitting.

TMD: So if I was trying to steal your purse, you wouldn’t like kick my ass, would you?

R: No, but I might be able to will you to stop.

TMD: Hahahaha, all right. Who was the better butler: Alfred from “Batman” or Jeffrey from “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?”

R: I think Alfred wins. He always knows what’s going on, and he keeps that house so clean. He would never let a bad guy in.

TMD: I don’t think Jeffrey would do that either.

R: Jeffrey was kind of a bitch. He’s a little prissy. Alfred was just sort of British and great.

TMD: And he was cool.

R: Does this make me cool because you picked me?

TMD: It makes you random that I picked you.

R: Oh, random. Fair enough.

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