Random: Hello?

The Michigan Daily: Hi, my name’s Jeremy Davidson. I’m a reporter for The Michigan Daily, you’ve been selected to do the random student survey for our magazine.

R: And the survey is?

TMD: It’s this production we do every Thursday where we flip through the student directory and the first person who we see in the directory, we call them and ask them a bunch of random questions.

R: I didn’t know I was in the directory

TMD: Oh, well –

R: I’m not in the directory. How could I be in the directory? What directory?

TMD: The University of Michigan directory.

R: What school am I listed with?

TMD: The University of Michigan – Ann Arbor.

R: I know that, but what school am I listed with? Which college?

TMD: It doesn’t say. It just says (your name) and my finger landed on it.

R: Well you ask me the questions, and I’ll decide if I want to answer.

TMD: All right, so are you an undergraduate student or a graduate student?

R: That depends on what semester you ask me.

TMD: OK, this semester.

R: I’m all of the above. This semester I’m an undergrad. Next semester I’m a grad student.

TMD: So what are you studying here?

R: This semester, psychology.

TMD: And what about next semester?

R: Uhhhhhh, I’m not sure yet, I’ve gotta finish this semester.

TMD: Are you planning any cool experiments for psychology?

R: I’m planning lots of cool experiments, but they’re proprietary so I can’t tell you what they are.

TMD: Ah, that makes sense. Actually, that was going to be my next question.

R: Wait, can you hold on? Someone’s clicking in. It’s probably my mom.

TMD: Yeah, sure.

(about 20 seconds later)

R: Hello? So you’re a student reporter, and you found my name in the school directory even though I’m not registered except as a non-degree student.

TMD: I guess that’s what it says here – it tells me your phone number and your address.

R: Are you on the online directory?

TMD: No, I’m looking at the physical directory. It’s like a booklet –

R: There’s a booklet?!?

TMD: Yeah, it’s a big book with everyone’s names

R: And it’s from this year, it says 2004/2005?

TMD: Yeah.

R: This is important to me because I shouldn’t be listed, as you’ve come to find out. Are you looking at a 2003/2004 directory?

TMD: No, this is definitely a 2004/2005 directory.

R: And I’m listed?

TMD: Yup.

R: That’s interesting. And in a hard copy directory. Do you think I could come by some time, not today, but could I come by and maybe pick up a copy of the directory you’re looking at?

TMD: Yeah, I mean, you could. I think they give them out all over campus.

R: OK, so you’re a registered student? Let’s go on with the questions. Yes, I’m doing many cool experiments, but they’re all proprietary, meaning I own the experiments, they’re intellectual property, etc.

TMD: So what have you been doing so far this year in addition to school?

R: Feeding animals in my neighborhood.

TMD: Oh yeah? What kind of animals do you feed?

R: Uh, squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits, muskrats –

TMD: Wow, you’ve seen muskrats?

R: Yeah, you know, just anything along the Dixborough corridor.

TMD: So do you go by yourself, or do you go with other people?

R: I usually go by myself because they come up to my back door.

TMD: Have you heard of the group called “Students for putting the fear back in Michigan squirrels?

R: “Students for putting the fear back in Michigan squirrels?”

TMD: Yeah, I think they’re too intimidated by the squirrels because they grow so huge.

R: Students are intimidated by squirrels?

TMD: Yeah, because they’re so big. They’re like lapdogs.

R: They must not live in my neighborhood. My squirrels are tiny.

TMD: Well they’re pretty big down here.

R: I used to live in a place called Squirrel Hills, so I’m used to squirrels of all sizes.

TMD: Wow.

R: I’m serious. I really did live in a place called Squirrel Hills.

TMD: That’s excellent. Did you ever watch that show “Chip ‘n Dale, Rescue Rangers?”

R: Nope.

TMD: That was about two chipmunks. They went on all kinds of adventures together.

R: “Chip ‘n Dale,” what is it called?

TMD: “Rescue Rangers.”

R: Chippendale Rescue Rangers? I haven’t seen that show, what station is it on?

TMD: Disney Channel I think. You know, Dale had a red nose and a Hawaiian shirt, and they used to go on all kinds of crazy adventures –

R: Oh, I know Chip ‘n Dale. Different kind of Chippendale though.

R: You don’t know who the other chippendales are, I take it?

TMD: I’ve seen the Chris Farley skit on “Saturday Night Live.”

R: Ah, well just to fill you in, if you want to include this in your article, Chippendales are some dancers from Beverly Hills, California. You might want to check that out some time.

TMD: Right –

R: Chippendales is also very expensive reproduction Louis XV furniture.

TMD: Wow, I didn’t know that.

R: Lots of chippendales. I’m familiar with all chippendales I guess you could say.

TMD: Just like you’re familiar with all squirrels, right?

R: Well, I don’t know that many squirrels. I know the ones in my backyard and the ones in Squirrel Hill – I used to know a few squirrels in Arizona, too, in the Grand Tetons, so I guess I know all the squirrels, too.

TMD: That’s impressive. All right, well look for this on Thursday.

R: OK, bye.

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