The Michigan Daily: Is Sarah there?
R: No she’s not. Can I take a message for her?
TMD: Nah … can I ask who is this?
R: This is Rachel.
TMD: Hey Rachel. I’m doing the incomparable Random
Student Interview for the Daily. Do you have a few minutes?
R: Umm, sure.
TMD: Do you think Ann Arbor is overrated?
TMD: How so?
R: I don’t know, like in terms of safety and
scenery and …
TMD: The weather.
R: Yeah it’s pretty bad. I have a couple friends
going to school in California. I think they have the right
TMD: Definitely. So I started watching TV again, when did
it get to be so bad?
R: I think reality TV set in. A couple of those shows are
entertaining and they’re funny, but some of them are so
TMD: For example?
R: I haven’t seen it yet, but “My Big, Fat,
Obnoxious Fiancé.” I refuse to watch it.
TMD: Yeah how much worse can it get than having a guy
with a weight problem running around pretending he’s going to
marry people. Is there anything still worth watching? I’m
getting really desperate.
R: I watch “Friends.”
TMD: Mmm. I don’t want to get into in the middle.
Hey, are you scared of clowns?
R: I was when I was little, but not anymore.
TMD: What was it that scared you about clowns back
R: I think they’re too intense for kids.
They’re up in your face, they’re really dramatic and
they don’t look like normal people. Transformations are
always hard on kids.
TMD: Are you scared of killer clowns?
R: What do you mean?
TMD: You know clowns that kill people.
R: Is … that actually a thing?
TMD: Apparently. Nevermind. Who would you consider to be
some of your major influences?
R: My mom and dad and my grandpa.
TMD: Anyone you’ve never met face to face?
R: I can’t think of anyone. I’m sure there is
somebody, but nobody comes to mind.
TMD: Don’t sweat it. What are you doing for Spring
R: I’m going home to work. A couple of my friends
go to different colleges so they have different spring breaks.
We’re gonna try to get a cruise together for after
school’s out. But for now I’m going to try to make some
TMD: Where’s home for you?
R: The Bloomfield area of Michigan.
TMD: Ah the Bloomfied area. I’ve never heard it
described quite like that.
R: Well I’m from Franklin and if I say that nobody
knows where I’m talking about.
TMD: If you were going to follow a band on tour who would
R: Maroon 5? I don’t if they’re touring right
now. Or Something Corporate, maybe Brand New.
TMD: What is the strangest thing that either you have
ever sent through the U.S. Postal Service or that has been sent to
R: … a tin of cookies and gummy bears?
TMD: That’s as weird as it gets? Nobody ever sent
you anything really odd?
R: I’ve got a pretty normal family. They just send
money and cards.
TMD: That’s nice, kinda boring but nice.
R: Cash is really nice.
TMD: Do you have a favorite swear word?
R: Ass. I don’t know, it seems like you can get a
lot of attitude behind it.
TMD: It’s pretty versatile. “Move your fat
ass.” “Stop being an ass.” “Your breath
smells like ass.” I like it as an adjective too, like
“you look really ass today.” Anyways where have all the
R: Let’s see … mmm.
TMD: Take a guess.
R: I don’t get it.
TMD: Not important. It’s a song title I guess.
R: I must be the most boring interview you’ve ever
TMD: Nope, that would be the girl I talked to before you.
She said that her spirit animal was a giraffe because they are
really docile and that she was caught up in some sort mail-order
underwear pyramid scheme. She was terrible.
R: I’m sorry.
TMD: No, no you’re much better. Don’t be
sorry. Even though it’s getting to be a bit late, what are
your fashion predictions for 2004?
R: I’ve seen a lot of the knee-cut coats around.
They’re much longer.
TMD: Maybe that’s because it’s cold out. Or
maybe people are shrinking.
R: I think there will be more of the
off-the-one-shoulder, weird cut shirts. For women anyways.
TMD: I haven’t seen them on guys yet. That will be
my prediction then, I’ll say the guys are going to start
wearing the one-shoulder shirts.
R: That’s pretty metrosexual.
TMD: Jumping to the world of politics, do you buy the
Village Voice’s claim that the Rev. Al Sharpton is really
just a Republican stooge?
R: … No.
TMD: Do you think we need a more vocal and present mascot
R: That’d be nice. Especially since we don’t
have like a big stuffed one.
TMD: Something to run around at football games and
R: The wolverine is pretty ugly, we’d have to come
up with something else.
TMD: No big cuddly wolverine then?
R: It has to be cute to work. Isn’t a wolverine a
rodent or something?
TMD: I think they’re a member of the weasel family.
They’re like a big badger that hasn’t slept in three
days. Not really cute.
TMD: Can we all get along?
R: Um no.
TMD: Why not?
R: Everybody’s different, everybody has opinions.
People shouldn’t be rude to each other, but I don’t
think we’ll ever be at total peace.
TMD: That’s pretty realistic. Do you have a
favorite super hero?
R: Batman. He didn’t have any crazy super powers,
he was just very awesome on his own.
TMD: Are you ready for this week’s quiz? Just
answer yes or no, unless you think there has to be an explanation,
TMD: Is pink the new black?
TMD: Is John Kerry the new Howard Dean?
TMD: Are Quaaludes the new Ecstasy?
R: Gosh I hope not.
TMD: Is Janet Jackson the new Michael Jackson?
TMD: Is sleeping around the new going steady?
R: No. It should not be.
TMD: Why not??
R: Sleeping around is retarded.
TMD: Can you elaborate a little bit more for the people
R: Who are the people at home?
TMD: The people who are reading this.
R: Oh. I’m trying to think of a way to say this
without sounding like a total prude, but I don’t think
it’s like respecting of other people. It might be fun, but it
the long run it hurts your chances for relationships, like your
sense of commitment.
TMD: OK back to the quiz. Are donkeys the new
TMD: Is ricin the new anthrax?
R: I don’t know what ricin is …
TMD: Don’t worry about it … yet.
R: It sounds pretty serious. I’ll say yes.
TMD: Thanks Rachel you were great. Appreciate you helping