5. “Proofhearing” — For her greatly
anticipated autobiography, Paris Hilton — everyone’s
favorite socialite — furthered suspicions that she’s
just an illiterate moron when she asked the publisher’s
office to read it to her so she could edit it over her cell
phone.

4. Subservientchicken.com — Burger King created
this faux live feed featuring a man in a chicken costume prepared
to do whatever you ask of him. If you’ve ever wanted to see a
giant chicken dance like an Egyptian or grab its crotch, this is
probably your only chance.

3. Franz Ferdinand — The Scottish band’s
debut features some of the catchiest rhythms and most enjoyable
rock songs in recent memory. Put this CD in your car this summer
and it won’t be leaving for a while. The combination of
punk-rock and pop music will make you want to dance and keep you
entertained all summer long.

2. Wallace and Wallace — The Pistons’ recent
addition of Rasheed Wallace created the most feared front line in
the NBA. With fan-favorite Big Ben blocking everything in sight and
the league’s reigning bad-boy by his side, Detroit fans are
putting on the trademark Afro or shaving a bald spot on their head
to show their devotion during the playoffs.

1. Awful celebrity child names — From George
Foreman’s numbering all of his children to Deion
Sanders’ affectionate Deiondra and Deion Jr., we can always
count on celebrity egos spilling over into the naming of children.
My favorite comes from Jermaine Jackson, who outdid his brother
Michael — who named his son Prince — by naming his son
Jermajesty.

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