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I’m a senior. According to my life plan, I should be engaged to a model/actress and have an internship lined up at The New York Times by now. This is not remotely close to what’s happening. Where should I turn in my hour of need – the Career Center; an academic adviser; Match.com? How about the mystical realm of infinite wisdom.

Jessica Boullion
(Photo illustration by BENJI DELL/Daily)

It should be fairly easy to figure out what to do with my life by consulting the heavens. It’s not like they’ll just spit out a multitude of ambiguous nonsensical phrases at me. I’m going to try to do this online first, for free. Why would destiny need money?

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