“You do one thing wrong and I’m coming after you” — this may sound like your mom, but it’s in fact the tagline for the police women who patrol the streets in Maricopa to “protect” its citizens.

“Police Women of Maricopa County

Thursdays at 9 p.m.
TLC

TLC’s twist on “Cops” follows detectives Deb Moyer and Lindsey Smith along with deputies Kelly Bocardo and Amie Duong as they cruise around Arizona’s Maricopa County fighting crime. Each cop is followed individually as she hunts down drug criminals, cars with overly tinted windows and old women who avoid pulling over when being stopped for speeding.

Unfortunately, none of the offenses to which the women respond really seem like that big of a deal. It’s young kids dealing drugs and illegal immigrants crossing the border and small domestic disputes that are so anti-climatic it seems like they must have been faked for lack of more interesting crimes going on in Maricopa.

Besides combating the evils of drugs and illegal immigration, “Police Women” focuses on the motherly duties of all its main ladies. After their long and hard days at work, the mothers go home to their kids and families. Without exception, every time an officer finishes a call, she emphasizes that she must get home to her kids at night. While they should be applauded for balancing both duties, it’s not necessary to explain it in depth after every crime is solved.

What’s even more annoying is that the ladies feel the need to define their femininity with their giant hair, ugly scrunchies and consistent reminders of their children at home. Every one of them talks like a broken record about their kids and family — just in case you missed it the first seven times. Everyone gets that you love your kids — and that’s great — but the insistence on the home/work dynamic tries to create a remarkable story where there is none. In case TLC was unaware, it’s common for women to work and have a family, so the idea of a mom being a cop isn’t exactly an original concept.

Needless to say, all these women could kick the shit out of anyone, and you wouldn’t want to run into them if you are in trouble with the law. From start to finish, each cop is so intense it’s like they were chasing down America’s Most Wanted, but really it’s just another kid running a stop sign.

The only entertaining part of the hour-long bore is when one of the ladies checks on an old woman who hasn’t been in contact with her family for the last few days. What they find is a feisty and nutty old woman who laughs at the camera and continues to tell the crew about how she just went and had her hair done. Other than that, the criminals are all scummy old men who rock their mullets with pride.

The worst part is that Maricopa County, in many ways an innocent bystander here, is clearly not getting positive press from this wonder of a program. “Police Women” portrays the city like it’s full of boring crime and cops who don’t really do anything productive to help the city, but rather care more about their TV persona of “busting some ass” while being soccer moms.

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