Everyone knows the grade school truism, “takes one to know one.” Well, the most recent issue of the campus “humor” newspaper, “The Every Three Weekly” showed its true colors when it noticed what only the pretentious can notice: pretension.

Not only has the Onion knock-off alienated the majority of its readership with its alarming expose, but it has also overlooked the benefits of pretentiousness, such as elitist aloofness, contempt for your fellow man, irony, name-dropping, and the ability to order a world-class coffee without tripping over your tongue.

Shame on you “Every Three Weekly.” Your disregard for journalistic integrity made a mockery of this campus”s dismissive scoffing noises, academic organizations and wine-tasting parties. What”s next? Attacks on the weather?

Mark my words. Pretentiousness is an institution in this town and you dare not mock it, lest you be brought down by the very devices you deplore.

Joshua J. Wickerham, Vice President and Chief Social Engineer of University Affairs

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