Having a tough time getting a date for this weekend? Check out a Michigan sporting event.

Paul Wong
Dillion
Paul Wong
Ryals

The Wolverines’ field hockey team has beeen making headlines since head coach Marcia Pankratz took control in 1998.

In addition to bringing home Big Ten Championhips and a national crown in 2001, the Michigan field hockey team has been ranked No. 1 in the polls of best looking women.

Led by seniors Jessica Rose and Kate Dillon, this outgoing class has raised the bar for female athletes at the university. For the first time in Michigan athletics, the Wolverines have led the nation in both field hockey championships and best looking female athletes. This combination has prompted Playboy magnate Hugh Hefner to begin a speciality issue entitled, “Girls of Field Hockey.”

The issue continues in Playboy’s new tradition of photographing women that are popular in universities worldwide. When given the good news, Pankratz was elated.

“Finally, wearing spandex in every game has paid off,” Pankratz said. “I mean, winnning a national title is nice and all, but being recognized in the most popular men’s magazine in the world really says something about the program.”

The field hockey was a little more uneasy about the prospect of the magazine.

“I’m fine with posing with the guys from Jimmy’s Sgt. Pepper’s for a photo, but I don’t know if I can deal with being bathroom material,” an unnamed source told the Daily.

But the field hockey team isn’t the only squad that has gained national prominence for both excellence on the court and in the studio. The women’s soccer team, basketball team and gymnastics team have all have all contributed to Michigan’s excellence.

“Damn, that’s all I can really say,” University junior David Rubin said. “It is one thing to be good-looking. It is another to be good-looking and more athletic than I can possibly comprehend. I’m not a comedian, but I will be their pommelhorse any time.”

Rubin is speaking about the nationally-ranked gymnastics team that pleases both coaches and fans alike.

Not to be outdone is women’s soccer, which reached the quarterfinals of the NCAA Tournament. Led by seniors Abby Crumpton and Andrea Kayal, the Wolverines’ faithful swooned with every shake and groove on the dance floor and in the penalty box.

Women’s soccer superfan Dave Pearson could barely contain himself this season.

“If I could get a girl like Crumpton, I would be one lucky soul,” Pearson said. “Plus, (Michigan football coach) Lloyd (Carr) said we need some help in the ol’ kicking game.”

It has yet to be determine how the women’s basketball team will end up, but with the talent on the floor, M-Hoopla is downright giddy.

“Everyone knows what a monster Smitty is on the boards, but nobody knows what a monster she is on the headboards,” M-Hoopla member John Sarducci projected.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *