Rash of billy goat slaughtering once again hits Chicago area. 50:1
Universal Studios greenlights sequel, “Nick and Norah’s Awkward Breakup CD.” 175:1
Samantha Ronson kicks Michael Lohan’s ass in $5,000 charity boxing match. 48:1
Next big debate: Sarah Palin vs. Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. 500:1
Spencer and Heidi on next season of “Dancing with the Stars.” 900:1
O.J. Simpson wins “Prison Heisman Trophy” as San Quentin running back. 400:1
You will get mugged walking home at night along Oakland. 20:1
The Diag preacher guy damned you to Hell. 15:1
Katy Perry agrees to cherry chapstick advertising campaign. 40:1
Harvey Weinstein makes it through Yom Kippur fast without assaulting someone. 12:1
Hanging out at the Video Game Archive will get you chicks. 1,000:1
Bristol Palin releases sex tape. 2,500:1