“Beverly Hills Chihuahua” breaks box office record for most weeks at No. 1. 24:1

After her divorce from Guy Ritchie, Madonna and A-Rod elope to Israel for Kabbalah-themed wedding. 42:1

Mark Wahlberg challenges “SNL” imitator Andy Samberg to rap battle, a la “Marky Mark.” 183:1

U of M extends winning streak vs. Penn State via 79-yard TD reception by center David Moosman. 250:1

“Chocolate News” star David Alan Grier flees for South Africa after high expectations trigger a total mental breakdown. 312:1

Majority of University students actually study during “fall study break,” as opposed to visiting Penn State/screwing around in hometown. 700:1

Oliver Stone’s new film “W.” provides a fair and balanced look at George W. Bush and is free of conspiracy theories/liberal propaganda. 7,000:1

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