In exactly 498 days, the girls America watched learn to crawl on “Full House” will be street legal and ready to ride. Before then, the two girls who played the Tanner family baby will be crawling on all fours at frat-houses throughout Ann Arbor. Yes, the forces that made Michelle Elizabeth Tanner on “Full House” are coming to the University of Michigan.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen personally confirmed their matriculation for the Fall semester to the University. “We’re really looking forward to joining such a diverse student body,” said Mary-Kate with a giggle.

“All of the time we’ve spent in Hollywood has been really suffocating,” said Mary-Kate. “We’ve just never really gotten a chance to find ourselves, that’s what college is for, right? That, and the hardcore fucking.”

“That, a guy with a monster cock,” laughed Ashley. Mary-Kate is planning on applying to the University’s top-tier business school, while Ashley plans to major in Film and Video.

“I’d like to have my own studio someday,” said Ashley.

Naturally, the news of the forthcoming twins to campus has set off quite an uproar on campus. For the first time, students and local construction workers are taking lunch breaks together. Bubba Topesky, foreman of the Angel Hall renovation project is concerned his workers won’t be able to concentrate with such high profile celebrities on campus.

“I mean, these are the girls who made ‘You’re invited to Mary-Kate & Ashley’s Fashion Party’ – how are my workers supposed to concentrate when they are around? It just cannot be done,” said Topesky.

The announcement of their intent to join the student body here at the University comes as a surprise considering the two girls hail from Sherman Oaks, Calif. But the girls decided to leave the sun and sand of California for the snow and shoveling of the midwest.

The inimitable excitement of the Olsen twins carried “Full House” to soaring heights in the late ’80s. While a TV audience was captured by

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