By SupermanLet me start by saying that there are guilty pleasures in life: “The Real World,” Three Doors Down, an occasional use of the word dope, etc. However, there is one thing that is just “bizarro” (not in the offensive way, I love all people), and that is the excitement seemingly cool guys have for this television program “The O.C.” I know guys – not mild-mannered reporters, mind you – with girlfriends who have sex with them who planned their last Thursday night around the season premiere. That’s just a little too femme for me; I think those “men” should just turn in their testicles and call themselves eunuchs for the rest of their pathetic days. It’s a TV show, not a hooker, not a Super Bowl ticket, it’s nothing. Forgive me if I mess up plotlines, but why do people care that much about what cokehead Marissa is doing or who shot Ryan’s brother (the only reason I know this stuff is I talked to some of those sad-sack men about the show). It would be somewhat acceptable if Ryan and the crew could act, but not even the unintentional humor of Sandy’s bushy eyebrows can save the program or the depressing males that live and die for the show. Females, you are in the clear, it’s been established that all of you are at least partially crazy. Lord knows how many times I’ve had to save one of you. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to plan large portions of your lives around irrational items like fictional characters. To summarize, men that watch “The O.C.” are damn near retarded and definitely in question of their sexuality. By Lex LuthorI don’t ask for much, but if I want one thing from my friends, it’s to leave me the hell alone when “The O.C.” is on. I don’t use hair gel (obviously); I have no expensive jeans that put my dick in a fashionable vice, I just want to watch Summer and Seth bicker. I just want to watch Marissa down gallons of Grey Goose while her mom sleeps with her ex. Most of all, I just want Sandy Cohen to make everything OK.I ask no quarter when it comes to “The O.C.” I know the rest of you closet fans (yes guys, there is a fucking Orange County closet) spend your time slamming each of the show’s fights and squeals until everyone leaves your house, and you pop in the Season 2 DVD. Let your undying love for 45-year-old Ryan Atwood and his Chico ways ring from the rooftop. Set yourself free.True, “Entourage” has stolen most of the show’s thunder (and rightfully so), but until Trey comes back from the dead, Oliver gets out of his asylum (not a bad place, by the way) and Kiki Cohen goes sober, let all men watch the show with a clear conscience. Proud males who love “The O.C.,” our time has arrived. Pick up the remote and raise your voice: “Freedom, here we come!”

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