Boy band svengali Louis J. Pearlman”s latest entry in the world of teen pop domination launched with a wildly successful ABC program “Making the Band.” From there, the five boys in this projected supergroup laughed together, cried together and dealt with the loss of Ikaika when he had to return to Hawaii to be with his girlfriend. He traded fame for love. How noble.

Paul Wong
Ali Landry made another crowd-pleasing appearance in a Super Bowl ad, this time involving a ball machine and a blow to the head. Damn, this bitch is horny for Doritos!<br><br>Courtesy of Doritos

Nailing down a contract with J-Records in the powerful finale of their first season, all that had to be done was churn out a series of hits and dominate the record charts. Mission accomplished, or something.

The powerful first single of O-Town”s eponymous debut has gone gold and taken its rightful place in the watered down market of bubble gum Swedish hit-making.

“Liquid Dreams” rages with adolescent male pride, crafting the image of the perfect girl, an amalgam of Jennifer, Janet and the three/five members of Destiny”s Child. The song laments about members experiencing their “O-faces” in the middle of the night and subsequently waking up freshly departed from their liquid dreams.

“Sexiest Woman Alive” begins as an acoustic departure from the modern pop formula and winds around into an explosive chorus rivaling Chumbawamba”s smash “Tubthumpin,” and by rivaling we mean stealing.

Smoke Signal Communications spokesman and former CHiP Erik Estrada lends half of his genetic makeup to O-Town in the form of a junior version. Erik-Michael Estrada”s vocals drive the creatively titled “Girl.” The third track on the album is a relief as the steamer is gotten out of the way early. Musical laxatives.

“Every Six Seconds” takes us back to 1986, deep inside the “Danger Zone” where Commander Mike “Viper” Metcalf barks at Maverick and Iceman for their in-flight antics. The chunky guitar lead during the chorus completes this not-so-quiet nod to Kenny Loggins.

This album sucks.

Grade: D-

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