Why is my boyfriend ignoring me/forgetting to call/afraid of commitment? Does he like me/love me/hate me? For women affected with chronic relationship uncertainty, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo have created a work that clearly explains guy behavior in relationships. The title, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” explains the book exactly: It’s a compendium of advice and instructions based around one immutable fact — that if a guy’s actions don’t match his words or he treats his girlfriend poorly, he probably just doesn’t like her that much.
“Sex and the City” consultant Behrendt and writer Tuccillo combine forces to show readers why they “shouldn’t be wasting time … figuring out why a guy isn’t calling.” According to Behrendt, “Men are not complicated, although we’d like you to think we are … sadly (and most embarrassingly) we would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, ‘You’re not the one.’ ” For every woman who has ever dated, the advice is startling — and explains mysterious male behavior.
The book is divided into chapters, each dealing with a common relationship problem. The authors point out why your guy’s behavior — he doesn’t want to meet your friends, he won’t return your calls, he’s too busy to see you — shows that, well, he’s just not that into you. Each chapter includes an introduction, then letters from real women answered by Behrendt. He instantly cuts through the tangled web of emotions and uncertainty to explain how the root of the problem is lack of interest. Each chapter includes a short commentary by Tuccillo, entitled “Here’s Why This One Is Hard,” which allays any skepticism or resentment that readers may feel after being advised to ditch their lukewarm boyfriends. The two authors maintain a good balance by displaying viewpoints from both genders, and the contrasting perspectives produce a self-help book that is more effective and more accurate than other relationship guides.
The main strength of “He’s Just Not That Into You” is that the authors never blame problems on either sex. There is no finger-pointing or subtle undertones of accusation. Behrendt and Tuccillo constantly reinforce the fact that women should stay optimistic. In the introduction, Behrendt supports his readers, telling them to get out of bad relationships because “You’re worth it.”
“He’s Just Not That Into You” is written with a humorous voice that creates intimacy and friendliness that many readers value in a book about relationship advice. Its portrayal of male behavior is also accurate: “When a guy is into you, he let’s (sic) you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you, and when it’s time to have sex, he’s more than overjoyed to oblige.” The female reader may wonder if guys really are this clear-cut. Surprisingly enough, a number of men have confirmed that yes, they really are this easy to understand. If so, one can only wonder why a book like this hasn’t come along already.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars