So Impossible, Dashboard So Impossible, Dashboard Confessional, Vagrant

Dashboard Confessional”s latest four-song EP could make an atheist thank God that at least it”s a short record. Listening to So Impossible”s 14 rambling minutes of acoustic emo could make the devil beg for mercy, wondering what he did to deserve such cruel and unusual punishment. It could also make your moody girlfriend and half of East Quad rush out to the record store.

Chris Carrabba is the sensitive (whiny), passionate (annoying) manchild behind Dashboard. The “band” is known for its live shows, where Dashboard disciples are encouraged to sing along like a choir backing the band”s Christian-when-convenient songs. It”s like summer camp from Heaven, if by “Heaven” you mean Hell. And if the tracks on Impossible had half the structure of a church service it would greatly lessen the induced nausea of a seemingly endless, shapeless stream of repetitive guitar figures and shallow, emo-shriek/sing vocals.

Dashboard”s lyrics surpass even Blink-182″s in the trying-to-hold-onto-high-school department. This is because instead of constantly remembering his adolescent days like Blink-182 does, Carrabba actually writes like he is going to be submitting the lyrics to a high school literary “zine. “For You To Notice” wails about an imagined future where, “You”d want to call me. / And I would be there every time you need me.” While “Hands Down” vies for a spot in the church newsletter with its wholesome story of a young couple in love and alone in a bedroom, but resisting full carnal temptation because, “these hearts, they race, from self control.” Lest young believers miss the message, the song later preaches that the oft-heard question, “”Hey, did you get some?” Man, that is so dumb.” Whatever you say, Reverend Lovejoy.

Unfortunately, if only the good die young, Dashboard Confessional may live forever.

Pray for mercy.

Grade: D

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