Five years ago, Kevin Williamson was catapulted into the spotlight with the massive success of the modern cult-classic feature film “Scream.” He followed that with the blockbuster “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and his first foray into television, “Dawson”s Creek.” After that he had a modest hit with the sci-fi thriller “The Faculty.” Williamson”s most recent ventures have been the box-office dud “Teaching Mrs. Tingle” and the quickly canceled TV series “Wasteland.” If you haven”t noticed a pattern yet, then you shouldn”t be going to school here. Now, if the first episode of his newest endeavor “Glory Days” is any indication, there is no reason to believe that the trend won”t continue.

Paul Wong
Quite a bright smile for a dim show.<br><br>Courtesy of Wire Image

There are too many things wrong with “Glory Days” for it to be mistaken for a good show. From pre-pubescent boys uttering lines like “Sam, this eternal flirtation is beginning to thwart any possible romantic future we have between us,” to the interrogation of a minor about murdering his father while his mother waits outside, there is simply to much too handle. The show attempts to present itself as a “scary murder mystery,” but it comes off as more of a pathetic mishap of “Picket Fences” meets “Murder She Wrote.”

“Glory Days” follows the life of wunderkind novelist Mike Dolan, who returns to his hometown on a whim after receiving a “mysterious” note regarding his dead father. But after writing a thinly veiled fictional novel about the inhabitants of Glory and the strange events surrounding his father”s supposedly accidental death, no one is jumping to welcome him back with open arms. With a disheveled Jimmy Fallon style haircut and extremely bright red lips, Eddie Cahill (“Friends,” “Felicity”) plays Dolan with all the subtlety of a crying child.

While suspending disbelief for a moment to accept the fact that a 21-year-old wrote a best-selling novel, we learn that it is now four years later and Mike hasn”t written a word since. As he tries to play amateur sleuth and unravel some of the mysteries of Glory Island, he simultaneously tries to mend relationships with those he inaccurately depicted in his book, including his weirdo mother Mitzi (Frances Fisher), his older sister Sara (Amy Stewart) and his childhood friend Rudy (Jay R. Ferguson), who also happens to be the town sheriff. By the way, do towns even have sheriffs anymore?

In the pilot episode, just as Mike is arriving on the ferry, a man is pushed over the edge into the water and killed, and conveniently (for the plot) Mike is the only one who sees this. Everyone else believes it was an accident, despite all the eerie events of late. Mike, with the help of good ol” sheriff Rudy and forensic pathologist/town coroner/obvious love interest to Mike, Ellie Sparks (Poppy Montgomery), somehow manages to lead the investigation in order to say nonsense lines like “Your father”s death is going to haunt you for the rest of your life. That”s what dead dads do. Believe me. I know” and completely misuse the phrase “probable cause.”

Listening to Pearl Jam songs play in the background of multiple diner scenes and watching what has become of Kevin Williamson”s once-promising career, there is only one mystery that comes to mind why are there so many attractive people walking around in a small island town in the Pacific Northwest?

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