0 – Number of exposed penises during Naked Mile last year

1 – Number of persons still boycotting The Michigan Daily

2 – Number of football team defensive players shot since May

12 – Number of holes in Michigan defense

3 – Number of Daily Staffers who have had sex in Ari Paul’s bed

8 – Number of pounds gained by sorority girls on average Saturday night at Bella Napoli

8.5 – Number of pounds purged on average Sunday afternoon by sorority girls

20 – Number of times Barbara Grutter was beat up by an underrepresented minority when she was a kid

456 – Number of times Mary Sue Coleman has been caught masturbating in the Graduate Library

15 – Number of musicals outgoing Daily Editor-in-Chief John Schwartz has performed solo in the shower

1999 – Year we’re gonna party like it is

65 – Number of the Daily’s dollars that Daily chump-of-the-year, Danny Moloshok, spent on room service at the Outback Bowl

1 – Number of times Rob Goodspeed has been fired from the Daily

45 – percentage of Edit Board members who think Jess Piskor is gay.

A.H. and Z.P. are drunks. We’re not kidding. They are drunk lovers who cannot edit a page because they are always drunk and fucking.

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