We’ve all wanted to play matchmaker at some point in our lives. The FOX network, with its long tradition of risk-taking programming, has taken this idea to the extreme. With “Married by America,” the network that brought you “Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?” now gives the viewing audience the chance to arrange marriages between five people who are either really desperate or just really stupid.

Todd Weiser
Courtesy of FOX
Can you say desperate?

Isn’t it ironic that a show of this nature would be hosted by a guy named Sean Valentine? He’s the ringleader of this circus, which features five people hopelessly looking for love and somehow decided that the best way to find it was to go on national television and marry someone they’ve never seen before.

Even with a guarantee of a car and a hundred grand (with the incentive of a house if they stay married), it doesn’t seem worth the humiliation. The five are introduced, but they aren’t alone; FOX has found an additional 25 people also looking to marry a complete stranger. Five of them are chosen at random to be suitors of one of the contestants, and then the screening process begins.

Three family members or friends of the five main contestants ask questions to the five suitors of each bride or groom-to-be. A few quick votes narrows the field down to two, and then America had the chance to do some matchmaking by calling in. Tonight, the “winners” will marry.

Needless to say there are a few problems. With so many suitors, you never really find out what any of them are like, making for completely superficial voting. Secondly, their speeches to the American public are quite possibly the worst thing anyone has ever heard on television. Each suitor says something like “Give me the chance to go on a lifelong journey with Jennifer,” yet the fact remains that this person HAS NO IDEA WHO JENNIFER IS!

Once a pair is matched and gets married, subsequent episodes will show how the couples are adapting to married life. This will probably feature the normal daily banter of a husband and wife, with such questions as “So … how are you?” and “What was your name again?”

“Married by America” is a disgrace, both from the creative and the production standpoint. The show proves how low people will go to get on TV. Do the world a favor and say “I don’t.” While you’re at it, see if it’s not too late to bring back “Love Connection.”

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