The Michigan Daily discovered in November 2004 that several articles written by arts editor Alex Wolsky did not meet the newspaper’s standard of ethical journalism. Parts of these stories had been plagiarized from other news sources. Although the article below has not been found to contain plagiarism, the Daily no longer stands by its content. For details, see the Daily’s editorial.

Ms. Phair,

It has come to my attention that your latest CD, Liz Phair, is horrible. It sucks, really. There’s really no better way to put it, I’m afraid.

I mean, when I heard you were working on new material, I was stoked! Then I read somewhere that you were teaming up with producers the Matrix, and I was confused as hell. They produced Avril Lavinge’s solo debut and, damn, she sucks too. I didn’t know what to think, really.

So I got a copy of it a little while ago and was excited as hell. Maybe, just maybe, it was Exile in Guyville part two! But to tell you the truth: it was pretty bad. I’m sorry, I really am, but it was bad. I mean, when I was less of an adult than I am now and you were singing more adult rock than you are now, it appealed to me more but it seems we’ve switched places, now. You’re getting pretty poppy and I’m getting pretty sick and tired of this shit, Liz.

I mean, I was listening to the single, “Why Can’t I” and I almost stabbed myself. I didn’t really, but I should have in hindsight. The line, “We’re already wet/And we’re going to go swimming” was, well, interesting. And while lines like those would have made me sweat some odd years ago, they seem immature and degrading now. I mean, it’s like I’m listening to Avril Lavinge talk about her first sexual encounter. It’s awkward.

One particular piece of crap was the song, “H.W.C.” or “Hot White Cum” in which you thank your man’s, uh (how do I put this?), hot white cum for your shiny hair and clean complexion and well, it was really laughable. It was a real tear-jerker, in fact.

You’ve just taken a nosedive from completely-rad-girl-I-could-never-get-in-my-life to not-even-close-to-awesome-girl-every-guy-in-America-could-get. I mean, you went on Lilith Fair and that was kind of cool. But seriously, what the hell happened since then?

I only pointed out a few examples, but the whole album is like that! And, I know Exile in Guyville was great – a classic even – but I’m coming to grips with the idea that it’s okay to come to hate a formerly great band for their latter-day sins. But shit, not you! Not you, Liz.

Rating: Negative 1,000 Stars.

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