Films opening

Birthday Girl Nicole Kidman as a Russian mail-order bride, where do I sign up? Now seriously, where the hell do I sign up? She is hot and I want her. At Showcase: 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:45, 11:40 (Fri. and Sat.)

Slackers Jason Schwartzman returns from a way-too-overdue absence in a teen comedy that is sure to make you understand why he is more proud of his band, Phantom Planet. At Showcase: 1:25, 3:25, 5:30, 7:55, 10:00, 12:00 (Fri. and Sat.)

Films holding

A Beautiful Mind Opie doesn”t deserve all the bashing he has been getting in this paper for this overrated film, but its his own fault for casting Russell “I can have any woman” Crowe. At Showcase: 1:10, 4:00, 6:55, 7:25, 9:40, 10:10. 12:20 (Fri. and Sat.)

Black Hawk Down It”s a showcase for every hot, young, white actor in the business Jerry Bruckheimer sure knows how to keep the minorities down. At Showcase: 12:45, 1:45, 3:40, 5:05, 6:40, 8:05, 9:00, 9:30, 11:00 (Fri. and Sat.), 11:25 (Fri. and Sat.), 11:45 (Fri. and Sat.)

Brotherhood of the Wolf Its hard to believe that Mark Dacascos could actually make a film worse than “Only the Strong,” yet here it is congratulations Mark and don”t comeback to our country. At Showcase: 12:30, 3:30, 6:30, 9:25, 12:10 (Fri. and Sat.)

The Count of Monte Cristo The tagline is “Count on Revenge.” I got a new one for you: Count on being out of theaters in two weeks. At Showcase: 1:20, 4:25, 7:10, 9:55, 12:30 (Fri. and Sat.)

Gosford Park Robert Altman makes a comeback after the awful “Dr. T and the Women.” I guess Richard Gere brings down every film to his stnkin” Buddhist level. At Showcase: 1:55, 4:50, 7:35, 10:20

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer”s Stone They are actually going to make like 47 more of these, and I can”t wait to rip on every one of those as well. Stick your broom where the sun don”t shine. At Showcase: 1:30. 4:30

I am Sam How bout “I am a bad movie?” Or, “I am a good actor in a bad movie?” Wait, I got it, “I am a pretty actress who can”t act but thank god I have a husband who makes redundant yet popular TV trash.” At Showcase: 1:15, 4:10, 7:05, 9:50, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat.)

In the Bedroom It looks like another year where one of the best films will not even be nominated for Best Picture. Here”s to you “Dancer in the Dark,” “Magnolia” and “Ice Storm.” At Showcase: 1:40, 4:35, 7:40, 10:25

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Viggo Mortenson is so good and badass here that you almost forget he was in the botched remake of “Psycho,” almost. At Showcase: 12:35, 4:20, 8:00, 11:30 (Fri. and Sat.)

Monsters, Inc. “Mike Wazowski. Mike Wazowski.” When you say it, don”t you just hear Boo”s voice? You do, don”t you? I sure do that girl was so cute! At Showcase: 12:05

The Mothman Prophecies Based on true events? Sure, I believe that, just like ” A Beautiful Mind” is a true story, too. Yeah, Nash and his wife never got divorced, sure Richie Cunningham, I believe you. At Showcase: 12:10, 2:40, 5:15, 7:45, 10:15, 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.)

Ocean”s 11 Nice cameos by Lennox Lewis and Joshua Jackson because to be honest with you, the one thing this film was missing was definitely star power Julia who? At Showcase: 12:00, 2:20, 4:45, 7:00, 9:15, 11:35 (Fri. and Sat.)

Orange County To be serious for a moment, Jake Kasdan, son of Michigan grad Larry, is actually a very talented director. For proof, go rent the off-beat, funny “The Zero Effect.” At Showcase: 1:35, 3:35, 5:45, 8:15, 10:30, 12:20 (Fri. and Sat.)

The Royal Tenenbaums Danny Glover hasn”t been this cool since “Lethal Weapon.” And Gene Hackman hasn”t been this cool since “Get Shorty.” Has Anjelica Huston ever been cool? At Showcase: 12:10, 2:35, 4:55, 7:50, 10:05, 12:15 (Fri. and Sat.)

Snow Dogs Remember the days when Cuba was touted as the greatest young actor in Hollywood and won an Oscar. I guess “Chill Factor” and “Rat Race” killed that buzz pretty quickly. At Showcase: 12:20, 12:50, 2:30, 3:00, 4:40, 5:10, 6:45, 7:15, 9:20, 11:25 (Fri. and Sat.)

Vanilla Sky Who gave Cameron Diaz all the good lines? At Showcase: 3:45, 6:35, 9:10, 11:55 (Fri. and Sat.)

A Walk to Remember I know she is only 17, but watching Mandy Moore walk around for two hours is the best $9.50 I”ve spent in a long time. At Showcase: 12:25, 2:45, 5:00, 7:20, 9:35, 11:50 (Fri. and Sat.)

Thursday

BOOKS

Acedemic Reception Reception for Ben Novick and his latest book Conceiving Revolution: Irish Nationalist Propaganda During the First World War. 4 p.m., Shaman Drum Bookshop, 315 S. State, free 662-7407.

Michigan Visiting Writers Series Contemporary fictionist Don Lee reads from his provocative works. 5 p.m., Hale Auditorium, 701 Tappan, free 647-6471.

CAMPUS CINEMA

Amelie Its been on campus cinema forever so if you haven”t seen the amazing Audrey Tatou yet, hurry up! State Theater, 7 & 9:15 p.m.

Gosford Park Young British men and old British women stuck in a country estate for a weekend, what”s not to like? Michigan Theater, 7:30 p.m.

In the Bedroom “Or in my case, never a doctor, never a doctor.” Director Todd Field has achieved gold, getting a great performance out of the intellectually challenged Nick Stahl. Michigan Theater, 7:45 p.m.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Christopher Lee gives a little hint of how scary he can be there”s much more to come from him in “Attack of the Clones” and “The Two Towers” so be prepared for Christopher Lee mania! State Theater, 7:30 p.m.

MUSIC

Before The Turn If this is what happens before what happens after? T.C.”s Speakeasy, Ypsilanti, 10:30 p.m. $3 483-4470.

Blues Night: John Primer The man has played with Muddy Waters and Willie Dixon, when he cries his tears are blue. The Firefly Club, 207 S. Ashley St. 5 p.m. $7. 665-9090.

Bliss 66 You knew they, were coming, sooner or later.The Blind Pig, 208 S. 1st St., 10 p.m. $4 ($6 under 21) 996-8555.

THEATER

“The Laramie Project” Basement Arts presents this profoundly moving play about Laramie, Wy., in the aftermath of Matthew Shepard”s 1998 murder. Arena Theatre, Frieze Bldg. Free. 764-6800.

“Elizabeth Rex” A runaway hit at Stratford, this play centers on the meeting of Ned Lowenscroft, Shakespeare”s genius player of women and Elizabeth I, England”s genius player of men. 8 p.m. Performance Network, 120 E. Huron. Pay-what-you-can preview. 663-0681.

ALTERNATIVES

“Ancient Steps, Forward Glances” University Productions presents this modern dance show, inspired by exotic Java, the Renaissance and the internet. 8 p.m. Power Center. $15-20, $7 w/id. 764-2538.

“Local Color: Dan Bradt”s Watercolors from Michigan”s Historical Scenes” This exhibit features the artist”s paintings based on photographs and postcards from local main streets and railroad yards from the Bentley archives. Bentley Historical Library, 1150 Beal. Free. 764-3482.

“People and Places: The Baker Gift of 20th-Century Photography” In memory of Michigan School of Architecture grad Morris D. Baker, this exhibit features images of people and landscapes from various 20th century artists. UMMA, 525 S. State. Free 764-0395.

Friday

CAMPUS CINEMA

Amelie See Thursday. State Theater, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

Gosford Park See Thursday. Michigan Theater, 6:30 & 9:30 p.m.

In the Bedroom See Thursday. State Theater, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

MUSIC

Orbitsuns Vinnie from Sponge is singing, if that excites you your brain is a rotting piata. The Blind Pig, 208 S. 1st St., 10 p.m. $8 ($10 under 21) 996-8555.

Chad Dubin Pregnant Chad? Hanging Chad? Come and find out. Zou Zou”s, Chelsea, 8 p.m. Free 433-4226.

Art Stephan Art and his trusty piano play songs that are older than the habit of writing this list. T.C.”s Speakeasy, Ypsilanti 6 p.m. free 483-4470.

THEATER

“The Laramie Project” See Thursday. 7 p.m. and 11 p.m.

“Elizabeth Rex” See Thursday. 8 p.m. $25.

ALTERNATIVES

“Ancient Steps, Forward Glances” See Thursday. 8 p.m.

“Local Color: Dan Bradt”s Watercolors from Michigan Historical Scenes” See Thursday.

“People and Places: The Baker Gift of 20th-Century Photography” See Thursday.

Saturday

CAMPUS CINEMA

Amelie See Thursday. State Theater, 1:45, 4, 6:45, 9:15 & 11:30 p.m.

Gosford Park See Thursday. Michigan Theater, 3:30, 6:30 & 9:30 p.m.

In the Bedroom See Thursday. State Theater, 2, 4:30, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

Pink Floyd”s The Wall “If you don”t eat your meat, you can”t have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don”t eat your meat!” Enough said. State Theater, 12:00 a.m.

MUSIC

MUSIC

“Battle of the Bands:” A Benefit Concert for Alternative Spring Break Unfortunately, Dick Clark will not host this mega event. Michigan League Underground, State St., 9-12 p.m. $5 (all proceeds benefit Alternative Spring Break.)

Saturday Looks Good to Me This motown/punk fusion group has their record release party at East Quad”s Halfway Inn. Judah Johnson and Kevin Boyer and the Noise also play. 9 p.m.

Notice Co., Midwestproduct Lounge lizard electronica. The Blind Pig, 208 S. 1st St., 10 p.m. $5 ($7 under 21) 996-8555.

five.star.theory Emo from Indiana, speaking of Emo Emo Phillips is coming to town soon. Elbow Room, Ypsilanti, 10 p.m. $4 483-6374.

Laurie Anderson Anderson explores awkward and difficult situations with acoustic instruments. Hill Auditorium, 825 N. University Ave., 8 p.m. $16-40 764-8350.

THEATER

“The Laramie Project” See Thursday. 7 p.m.

“Elizabeth Rex” See Thursday. 8 p.m. $25.

ALTERNATIVES

“Ancient Steps, Forward Glances” See Thursday. 8 p.m.

“Local Color: Dan Bradt”s Watercolors from Michigan Historical Scenes” See Thursday.

“People and Places: The Baker Gift of 20th-Century Photography” See Thursday.

Sunday

CAMPUS CINEMA

Amelie See Thursday. State Theater, 1:45, 4, 6:45, & 9:15 p.m.

Gosford Park See Thursday. Michigan Theater, 5 & 8 p.m.

In the Bedroom See Thursday. State Theater, 2, 4:30, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

Va Savoir A fantastic French art film from one of the co-creators of the French New Wave, Jacques Rivette. Michigan Theater, 4:30 & 8:30 p.m.

MUSIC

Bop Culture If one is ethnocentric is it ok to like Bop Culture? The Firefly Club, 207 S. Ashley St. 8:30 p.m. free. 665-9090.

The All Thumbs Trio Acoustic threesome features a member from moe, a member of Cracker and a third member. The Blind Pig 208 S. 1st St., 10 p.m. $10 996-8555.

Phil Ogilvie”s Rhythm Kings Ogling is encouraged. The Firefly Club, 207 S. Ashley St. 5 p.m. $7. 665-9090.

THEATER

“Elizabeth Rex” See Thursday. 2 p.m. $20.

ALTERNATIVES

“Ancient Steps, Forward Glances” See Thursday. 2 p.m.

“A Matter of Degree: Abstraction in Twentieth Century Art” See Thursday.

“People and Places: The Baker Gift of 20th-Century Photography” See Thursday.

Monday

BOOKS

Pat Mora Reads Mora reads from her collection of poetry, fiction, nonfiction and children”s books. 7:30 p.m., Riverside Room, Concordia College, free 995-4612.

CAMPUS CINEMA

Amelie See Thursday. State Theater, 7:15 & 9:45 p.m.

Gosford Park See Thursday. Michigan Theater, 7:30 p.m.

In the Bedroom See Thursday. State Theater, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

Our Lady of the Assassins From the director of “Reversal of Fortrune” and “Barfly” comes a story of love and death in Colombia. Michigan Theater, 9:30 p.m.

Repulsion Exiled director Roman Polanski”s horror classic about a sexually repressed Catherine Deneuve. Michigan Theater, 7 p.m.

MUSIC

Leonardo”s Open Jam Jam should be refrigerated after opening. 2101 Pierpont Commons, North Campus, 8 p.m. free 764-7544.

The Bird of Paradise Orchestra Big Jazzin”. Bird of Paradise, 312 S. Main St., 9 p.m. $5 662-8310.

Avant Mondays: Lotus Improv. Jazz. The Firefly Club, 207 S. Ashley St., 8 p.m. $5 665-9090.

ALTERNATIVES

“Local Color: Dan Bradt”s Watercolors from Michigan Historical Scenes” See Thursday.

“People and Places: The Baker Gift of 20th-Century Photography” See Thursday.

Tuesday

BOOKS

Poetry Slam Featuring C.R. Avery, a young poet from British Columbia, who most recently left an impression on audiences at the 2001 National Slam with his lyrical beat-box style. Open mic session to follow. 8 p.m., Heidelberg, 215 N. Main, free 426-3451.

CAMPUS CINEMA

Amelie See Thursday. State Theater, 7:15 & 9:45 p.m.

Gosford Park See Thursday. Michigan Theater, 7:30 p.m.

In the Bedroom See Thursday. State Theater, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

Our Lady of the Assassins See Monday. Michigan Theater, 6:45 p.m.

Va Savoir See Sunday. Michigan Theater, 9 p.m.

MUSIC

Blind Pig Showcase Night Somewhere East, The Fuzz, Rosetta and The Fishers will be shown then cased. The Blind Pig 208 S. 1st St., 10 p.m. free ($2 under 21) 996-8555.

Firefly Jazz Jam Session Vocalists only for the first Tuesday of the month. The Firefly Club, 207 S. Ashley St. 5 p.m. $7. 665-9090.

The Ron Brooks Trio A babbling Brook? No, the music does the talking. Bird of Paradise, 312 S. Main St., 8 p.m. $5 662-8310

ALTERNATIVES

“Local Color: Dan Bradt”s Watercolors from Michigan Historical Scenes” See Thursday.

“People and Places: The Baker Gift of 20th-Century Photography” See Thursday.

Wednesday

CAMPUS CINEMA

Amelie See Thursday. State Theater, 7:15 & 9:45 p.m.

Gosford Park See Thursday. Michigan Theater, 7:30 p.m.

In the Bedroom See Thursday. State Theater, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

MUSIC

Westward Expansion, Annie Dubrinsky Dubrinsky toes the line with sharp folk. Leopold Bros. 517 S. Main St., 10 p.m. $3 747-9806.

Los Gatos Ellos son gatos locos. Bird of Paradise, 312 S. Main St., 9 p.m. $5 662-8310

Elbow Room Open Mic Suck on your elbow if you can. Elbow Room, Ypsilanti, 10 p.m. free 483-6374.

ALTERNATIVES

Art Video: “Love and the Goddess” Explores the romantic and historical depictions of women in art, with a particular focus on the woman as a goddess, virgin and Mother Earth. 12:15 p.m. U-M Museum of Art, 525 S. State. Free. 764-0395.

“Local Color: Dan Bradt”s Watercolors from Michigan Historical Scenes” See Thursday.

“People and Places: The Baker Gift of 20th-Century Photography” See Thursday.

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