From the Daily”s most faithful reader, alumnus Jesse Jannetta

10/18/01

To the Daily:

Lyle Henretty”s “Less Than Zero” column (“Movies that I hate should not be made,” 10/18/01) is another example of the unsatisfying and self-indulgent “venting bile” school of criticism often found in the Daily Arts section. It”s not particularly illuminating to read that “Dirty Dancing” is “the cinematic equivalent of slicing off your nipple and pouring folic acid into the wound,” or that “The Postman was worse then that time I had shingles.”

10/19/01

To the Daily:

When I pressed “Send” to deliver my letter to you yesterday about Lyle Henretty”s column, a message popped up on my computer monitor. The gray and blue box was titled “Mood Warning!” and it informed me that: “Your message is likely to offend the average reader. ” The box also featured an icon consisting of two red chilis, apparently representing the hot, spicy, controversial language of my message.

Is this true, or is my e-mail program being impertinent? Is my letter offensive to the average reader? Seek out some average people, I”d recommend ten or so and show it to them. I think at least six out of ten would have to be offended to justify the use of “likely.”

10/25/01

To the Daily:

Inspired by David Horn”s column (“Nine things to be happy about,” 10/25/01) I present to you fourteen things that make me happy.

n The Notorious BIG: My favorite rapper, all-time. He was so good. Said the line, “I drop unexpectedly like birdshit.”

n Drinking: Man, I love to drink. I really feel that in the realm of recreational narcotics, alcohol has yet to be significantly improved upon.

n Feminism: No matter what anyone says, essentially a very good idea.

n Green Bay Packers: Wonderful team. Beat the piss out of the irritating Baltimore Ravens.

n Autumn: The best, most fickle season. Warm and loving one day, gray and blustery the next.

n Sleater-Kinney: This band kicks my ass.

n The New England Literature Program: I was a big dumbass before I went.

n Queens: The whole world in one borough.

10/29/01

To the Daily:

Sometimes reading the letters to the editor causes me some concern about the rigorousness with which our University community is thinking about the current war/crisis/police action/glorious tax-cutting opportunity. Today you printed two letters side by side that caused me to think, “Oh Lord” (“U.S. foreign interests concentrate on American capitalism,” “War punishes many for actions of a few”). Thus it is that I am reduced once again to registering my objections to various lines of reasoning employed by people published on your editorial page.

11/01/01

To the Daily:

When I read your “Sibling Rivalry Gets Nasty” spread on today”s sports page, my heart sank. Don”t you realize that this sort of ugly sectarian dissension is exactly what Osama bin Laden wants?

Michigan and Michigan State students need to put aside the differences that might normally cause us to loathe one another

Once we have engaged in this exercise in mutual understanding, we can support our respective teams in their common goal: defeating international terrorism.

11/02/01

To the Daily:

Man, Americans dress like dirtballs. Rebecca Isenberg reminded me of this with her column “You know my steez” (11/02/01).

I recently lived for two years in Armenia. In that country, like many in the world, people generally do not go anywhere without dressing in rather formal clothing.

Maybe the sorority girls are trying to dress like actual Greeks.

11/08/01

To the Daily:

In a letter to the editor published today, Benjamin Osborne asserted that everyone in MSA could have been replaced with “doped-up lab monkeys dressed in human clothing” (“MSA could be run by poo-flinging monkeys”)

The scenario that would be most supportive of Mr. Osborne”s contention is one in which the lab monkeys are doped up with some sort of sedative. If this were the case, they could be dressed up in human clothing (which would have to actually be specially tailored monkey clothing modeled after human clothing, otherwise someone would surely notice how bizarrely the human clothing would fit the monkeys) But the fact remains that few things are cuter than our simian cousins dressed in our own clothing. Anyone who has seen a reasonable amount of movies or television knows this. Yes, surely the cuteness of the lab monkey substitutes would be noticed and much remarked upon, substantially changing the tenor of the meeting.

11/13/01

To the Daily:

Twice each year the student body must endure the deluge of vapidity associated with the MSA elections. The Daily had a fine idea in recommending that this exercise occur only once a year (“They”re losers,” 11/13/01). In addition to that, it would be nice to see the parties running candidates for office try to inject a little more gravity into the races.

After all the biggest waste associated with MSA are the elections themselves.

11/16/01

To the Daily:

I”m not surprised that the Daily found Britney Spears” new album unworthy of a listen

Now, let there be no mistake: Britney Spears” songs are crap. However, only when I lived abroad did I realize one of the amazing things about this country: We take crap to another level. I believe that American crap is better than other countries” crap.

Don”t listen to the haters, Britney. Keep that glorious crap coming.

11/19/01

To the Daily:

In honor of the national champion Michigan field hockey team, can you run a story explaining the sport of field hockey? Are the rules like ice hockey? Soccer?

I”m serious. I really have no idea about any of these things, and I”m curious.

Jesse Jannetta:

You write to us nearly every day. We have printed excerpts from a month”s worth of

missives. Check out today”s Football Saturday insert we thank you, too.

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