There is lots of talk about Michigan
controlling its own destiny, en route to a Jan. 1 trip to
Pasadena.

Janna Hutz

But silently, away from the sunlight, hidden in the …
well, hidden depths of Michigan Stadium, there are
quiet-as-a-mouse-like whispers going on about the Wolverines making
a certain trip on Jan. 4 to a certain bowl game in New Orleans (but
be hushed about it, Florida State or Southern Cal. might get upset
by the implications of these rumblings).

In all honesty, a 10-2 Michigan team (assuming it wins out)
making the national title game wouldn’t be the weirdest thing
that has ever happened during my lifetime.

I mean, I’ve seen a 12-0 Marshall team get sent to the
Motor City Bowl. I’ve watched a one-loss Kansas State team
get sent to the Alamo Bowl, only to witness a Drew Brees-led Purdue
team take its four losses and silence the Wildcats’ whining
about being snubbed by the BCS.

I have seen the Detroit Lions make the NFC Championship Game
… and get trounced by the Washington Redskins. I stood in
amazement as Cecil Fielder legged out a triple in the
Metrodome.

I have witnessed newlyweds dance happily to “Every breath
you take.” (IT’S ABOUT A STALKER!!!!)

I was stunned to watch Kordell Stewart give Michael Westbrook 15
minutes of fame in the Big House’s south endzone. While
battling a fever, I went crazy as Scott Driesbach hit Mercury Hayes
in the northeast corner to complete a 16-point comeback against
Virginia.

I was happy to see the Cartoon Network give new life to
“Family Guy.” But I was distraught when “The
Neverending Story” actually ended and confused when
“The Land Before Time” managed nine movies (three times
more than the series that was supposed to never stop) over a time
period that technically never existed.

I watched the Pistons fire the 2002-03 NBA Coach of the Year,
only to hire the man Rick Carlisle defeated in the 2003
playoffs.

The Florida Marlins have won two world titles in the past seven
years — just let that one sit in for awhile.

I have been on a date with an attractive woman, had a beer after
21 years of avoiding it and worn actual pants (instead of shorts)
when it is 20 degrees out.

I got to watch as Allen Iverson became a better role model for
the kids — the kids! — than Kobe Bryant.

I was in a Disney World shop when Mickey Mouse televisions were
showing O.J. Simpson running from the police in a white Ford
Bronco. My Bravada has lasted over 160,000 miles.

I was left speechless when Michigan was punished by the
coaches’ poll for winning the Rose Bowl in 1997. And I nearly
cried when I found out that computers would be deciding the top two
teams from there on out.

I remember feeling that Juan Gonzales was the answer to
Detroit’s problems. I find it funny that Danny Patterson
ended up being the best player the Tigers got out of that trade.
The 2003 Detroit Tigers are not the worst team of all time …
feels good, doesn’t it, Detroit?

My high school football team has made the Michigan high school
playoffs each of the past three years. During my two years on
varsity, we managed just two wins.

The Detroit Red Wings became the New York Yankees of hockey, and
I could really care less. (F*** the Yankees, though.)

I was miserable to see ultimate bad-ass Jason Giambi cover up
his tattoos, cut his hair and become one of George
Steinbrenner’s puppets.

I have found better tasting chicken wings than those from
Hooters or Buffalo Wild Wings.

I was envious of Vince McMahon for taking a circus sideshow and
making it bigger than any sport out there. I found the
hilariousness in the XFL and revival of Tommy Maddox of all people.
Random question: Does He Hate Me still hate me … he?

David Wells and John Daly are considered athletes.

Justin Timberlake doesn’t annoy the hell out of me
anymore. I don’t like his music, but I can tolerate it
— which is saying a lot.

You’ve read this far into this column expecting it to have
a point … how weird is that?

I’ve watched Barry Sanders run, which isn’t anything
too different from the norm, but instead it is more amazing than
anything I have listed thus far.

Yup, when it comes down to it, Michigan going to the national
title game is hardly something that would catch me off guard. The
Wolverines have the talent to be there, and aside from two
collapses, should be there. So, should all the teams ahead of them
lose to send Lloyd Carr and the boys to the Big Easy, it
wouldn’t be that astounding.

Weirder things have happened.

I’ve seen the Tigers above .500 going into September.

—Kyle O’Neill can be reached at
“mailto:kylero@umich.edu”>kylero@umich.edu.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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