“I’m OK with the Lord, and the Lord is OK with me, as far as I can tell.”
Quotes of the week
– Fred Thompson responding to criticism from conservative Christians for his poor church attendance and failure to discuss his faith on the campaign trail
“I need to speak to Hillary Clinton. Something’s got to change. Ordinary people need help.”
– Leeland Eisenberg, the man accused of holding hostages in a Hillary Clinton campaign office, on how he was trying to get help for people with mental health issues
“We’re not stupid like he thinks. It’s that simple. There are conscious, thinking people here, too.”
– Elixio Fusil, a pro-Chavez Venezuelan voter, on Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez after the president saw his proposed constitutional changes rejected by voters
YouTube Video of the week
Giuliani’s take on mistress security
In a parody of a Rudy Giuliani campaign ad, the Republican frontrunner is praised for his position on security.
The rest of the Republican candidates are slammed for not taking enough action, in typical campaign ad style, toward the protection and care of their mistresses.
John McCain is accused of not taking care of his mistresses when he cheated on his first wife. Mitt Romney is accused of not even having any mistresses, while Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee – who is apparently dating Chuck Norris – is criticized for spending too little money on Norris.
Giuliani, on the other hand, is clearly the most qualified for the GOP nomination. Not only did Giuliani have multiple affairs, but he used his power to help his mistress, now his wife, in everyday tasks. The video even says New York police officers even walked her dog.
Finally, in traditional Giuliani fashion, the ad gets in a “P.S. 9/11, 9/11, 9/11.”
– Emily Barton
See this and other YouTube videos of the week at youtube.com/user/michigandaily
Theme Party Suggestion
Fishbowl all nighter – So you have six papers, eight exams and three group projects to pull together for next week, but you still need to party. We recommend you bring some festivity to the Fishbowl. Set up a different drink station in each cubicle and play “What A Feeling (Club Remix)” by Peter Luts & Dominico every 45 minutes. Your fellow crammers will love you for it.
Throwing this party? Let us know. TheStatement@umich.edu
Study of the week
No second base for bad kissers
The majority of people have jumped ship at the start of a potential relationship after finding that their companions lacked kissing skills, according to a study published in “Evolutionary Psychology.”
Researchers surveyed 1,041 college students about their preferences, attitudes and behaviors about kissing.
The study showed that kissing might play an evolutionary role for mating selection. Results suggest women put more emphasis on kissing as a means of evaluating a potential mate and monitoring a relationship. But men find kissing less important, using it mostly as a way of increasing the likelihood of sex.
Both sexes use the chemicals in their partners’ saliva to gauge mating potential. But because men have lessened chemosensory detection ability, they prefer wetter kisses with more tongue so that they can get the greater amount of saliva they need to judge their partners.
Three things you can talk about this week:
1. Afghanistan’s Highway 1
2. Iran’s nuclear program
3. BIOLOGY 116 – Biology of Sex
And three things you can’t:
1. Mark Zuckerberg’s privacy lawsuit
2. The Victoria Secret fashion show
3. Scheduling conflicts
By the numbers
49: Average age of University of Michigan professors during the 2006-2007 school year
104,941: Average salary of University professors
36: Percent of University professors who are female
Source: Office of Budget and Planning