Jimmy John”s is the beacon of light for hungry college students in the late evening and early morning hours. This fine establishment creates delicious subs in record time for decent prices no wonder it”s a magnet for the intoxicated.

Paul Wong
Jimmy John”s is a common latenight stop for the partiers of Ann Arbor.<br><br>DANNY MOLOSHOK/Daily

I walked into Jimmy John”s on South U and the restaurant was overflowing with music. Signs along the walls read, “If you”re really a good customer, you”d order more” and “Have your next wedding reception at Jimmy John”s.” And even in these frigid temperatures, the tables were almost full at 1am on a Monday night. That has to say something for quality.

But what really goes down inside Jimmy John”s during the late, late hours of the all-forsaken Friday and Saturday nights? According to recent LSA graduate and Jimmy John”s employee, John Fencyk, “Everyone”s drunk.” Surprise surprise.

“People come in and eat before they go out and then roll back in around 2:30, 3 am a little more belligerent” says Fencyk. “It”s pretty much constant people after midnight.” And as we all know, a mix of late hours, empty stomachs, and the Beast tends to ignite some unfortunate expulsions from the body. “We get people puking in the bathrooms. There”s no bathroom inside the Packard store, so people come in, ask for a bathroom, and when we tell them we don”t have one, they go outside and piss on the wall.”

Plastic cups of beer left over from kegs all over campus end up lining the counter at Jimmy John”s, and some students even try and offer beer in exchange for subs. The employees unfortunately decline (stress on the unfortunately). Hey, if you had to make subs at 2 am on a Friday night, you”d be hurtin” too.

But thirsty employees aren”t the biggest problem. “Kids try and steal the signs off the walls, chips, cookies” says Fencyk. C”mon Weekend readers, you all know someone that”s tried to scam a free sub. “Um, I, uh, paid down there and I, um, never, uh, got my sub.” Yeah, and you didn”t just do a 30-second kegstand either.

Fencyk paints the extraordinary story of an incident that occurred last weekend when a youth tried to distract an employee while his delinquent friend attempted to unplug and steal one of the huge neon signs in the window. There is alsp the story of a sophomore went to Jimmy John”s on a late Saturday night after a party and an employee tried to throw a tomato slice down her cleavage. Fencyk swore it wasn”t him.

So in the end, where do students go when they can”t walk straight and they need a haven where they can meet and converse with other people who can”t walk straight? Jimmy John”s. Where do students go when they”ve been doing EECS homework all night and are wasting away after 8 straight hours in the media union? Jimmy John”s. It”s the light at the end of the tunnel and its doors are open until 4 am on weekends, just waiting for you and your Natty Lite to walk in and order the Country Club. Just don”t try and steal their signs.

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