“Jack and Jill” opens with a fake Pepto-Bismol commercial — something about wondering how to stop diarrhea. The commercial actually proves to be an apt metaphor for the remainder of the movie experience, as watching it involves wondering how to stop the huge stream of crap just radiating off the movie screen.

Jack and Jill

At Quality 16 and Rave

The movie is about two twins, Jack (Adam Sandler, “Grown Ups”) and Jill (Adam Sandler, “Grown Ups”). Jack hates Jill but Jill loves Jack and comes barreling into his life just in time for the holidays. She’s incredibly whiny and annoying and has a pet bird, but somehow, she’s really just the most wonderfully open-hearted, loving person in the whole world. It’s up to Jack to reconnect with his sister before it’s too late.

Though its plot sounds family oriented, “Jack and Jill” is totally offensive to everyone. A lot of the jokes, when not based on race ethnicity, are about poop and farting. Or they’re misogynistic cracks about how fat and ugly Adam Sandler is in drag. There’s not much humor diversity, and what’s there isn’t very clever either. “Jack and Jill” isn’t a step up from Sandler’s previous stinkers like “Chuck and Larry” or “Just Go With It,” and it certainly isn’t a return to the movies like “Happy Gilmore” he made during the height of his career.

Does anyone remember the days when Sandler was funny? They seem so long ago. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. It’s not just Sandler — this movie was a bad choice on the part of many actors. Katie Holmes (“Batman Begins”) plays Jack’s wife Erin. Tim Meadows (“Mean Girls”) and Johnny Depp (“The Rum Diary”) have cameos. And Al Pacino (“Ocean’s Thirteen”) has a larger role as one of Jill’s suitors. His storyline makes no sense and why he ever agreed to do this movie makes even less sense. It’s entirely possible Sandler’s celebrity friends feel sorry for him and are trying to help him out by attempting to make his movie suck less.

Of course, their celebrity antics are useless. The script is beyond repair and is filled with product placements for Dunkin Donuts, Pepto-Bismol and Royal Caribbean Cruises — indeed, 10 minutes are spent exploring a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship. As a result of such blatant advertising, “Jack and Jill” plasters Hollywood greed and corruption over every scene. It’s obviously a movie that’s trying to make money rather than provide entertainment.

At the same time, because the film is so horrendous, it’s possible to wonder whether or not Sandler is trying to get a point across — is “Jack and Jill” some kind of commentary on the state of the movie industry? Is Sandler trying to show the world exactly how little care goes into crafting wide-release movies? The answer is a resounding no, as Adam Sandler probably doesn’t operate on that kind of meta-level and considers poop jokes a necessary part of sustaining a 90-minute movie.

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