Twas the night before finals,

Jess Cox
Jess Cox
Ohio State quarterback Troy Smith will face off against Brady Quinn and the Irish in the Fiesta Bowl Jan. 2.

and all I could think,

was about the BCS system,

and its horrible jinx.


Every year it does something

And without fail,

I find myself saying,

“I hate this tale.”


This year they got

the title match right.

But it’s not this game

that fills me with fright.


It’s the game sponsored by Tostitos

that makes me most scared.

For I hate both the teams

that will play there.


Notre Dame-Buckeyes

won’t be any fun

And I won’t even watch

for fear of the runs.


The Irish have

a coach who’s “the best,”

and he’s transformed the offense

into the best of the rest.


When Weis brought his team

into the Big House,

Hermann shut down the offense

and quieted the mouse.


But Mike Hart was hurt,

and Michigan fumbled the ball.

And in the end (at 17-10),

it was Weis who stood tall.


The Irish have beaten ‘M’

three of the last four.

But that’s not why we hate them;

it was even worse before.

Notre Dame is too lucky,

which accounts for the hate.

They get all the bounces.

It makes me irate.


And the Irish only won three

against winning teams.

But somehow they made

a BCS game.


It’s because they are popular

and bring in the dough

that they get a place

in the big show.


Still, Buckeyes v. Michigan

is the bitter rivalry.

They think of the Wolverines

as haughty bourgeoisie.


We hate them because

of Woody and Tressel,

who wears a sweater vest

sewn out of wool.


The opposite of Michigan

is Ohio State.

The axis of evil.

The antipodal of great.


The Buckeyes are sleazy

with their $100 shakes.

And when they play Michigan,

it only raises the stakes.


There is no mutual respect

when it comes to these teams.

They despise each other,

or at least that’s how it seems.


The Buckeyes also beat

Michigan at home.

And their reward is a mention

in this rambling poem.


It pains me to think,

as these two horrid teams vie,

that one must win.

Why can’t they just tie?

The other games are great:

Joe Pa v. Bob

in a game between grandpas

with 80 years on the job.


Then No. 1 and No. 2

will fight it out

in the Rose Bowl game –

a battle of clout.


Georgia and West Virginia

might be a boring game.

But at least I can watch.

It’s not quite the same


As the one between the two teams

that I hate:

The fighting Irish and

THE Ohio State.


– Ian Herbert can be reached at iherbert@umich.edu.


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