The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Kevin there?
Random: No he’s not.
TMD: Who is this?
R: This is Jonas.
TMD: Hi Jonas, I’m a writer from The Michigan Daily. How would you like to take part in the Random Student Interview?
R: Yeah, sure.
TMD: So, what were you doing when I called?
R: I actually just got back from work
TMD: And what do you do?
R: I’m a student technical writer at the administration building.
TMD: Interesting. What do you prefer on a cold winter’s day, sex or ice cream?
TMD: When is the last time you had sex?
TMD: Was it, a) mind blowing, b) great, c) so-so, d) mind-numbing, or e) you don’t remember?
R: Mind blowing.
TMD: Okay now we are going to do some free association. So I’ll say a word, and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind.
TMD: First word is banana.
R: Hot dog. I see what you’re doing here.
TMD: And you’re fighting it pretty badly.
Next word is a French baguette.
R: I don’t know what that is.
TMD: A large, long loaf of bread.
R: The Eiffel Tower
TMD: Strangely enough, that was my next one. So, the Eiffel Tower.
R: Penis. There.
TMD: Is it a turn on to watch a girl eat a banana?
R: Depends on how they’re eating it. As long as there’s no biting.
TMD: What’s the craziest place you would ever think to have sex?
R: The White House. That’d be pretty crazy.
TMD: How many people do you actually think have had sex in the Grad Library, in the Stacks?
R: What time frame?
TMD: Let’s say the last five years.
R: Twenty-four. I think it’d be a pretty popular spot.
TMD: Do you think that we are too prudish about sex in this country?
R: Um, I don’t think so.
TMD: Are American girls easy?
R: I think so.
TMD: What is the best cereal to incorporate into sex?
R: Lucky Charms.
TMD: What is the worst cereal to incorporate into sex?
R: Frosted Flakes.
TMD: Do you think that your parents still rock the bed springs?
TMD: What’s a good after-sex activity?
TMD: How much do you hate cuddling?
R: I’ve been trained to like it now.
TMD: What’s the strangest thing that’s ever been said while you were in the middle of sex?
R: That’s a tough one. I can’t even remember anything. Nothing, can’t think of anything. Everything kind of fits.
TMD: Do you find it really strange that barnyard pornography is actually enjoyed by some people?
R: Yeah. Pretty freaky.
TMD: You don’t fall into that category, do you?
R: No I do not.
TMD: Just checking. Do you ever get the feeling that the U of M clock tower is extremely phallic?
R: Phallic? What does that mean?
TMD: Representing the male genitalia.
R: Not really.
TMD: Sometimes big buildings, you know. Have you ever gotten road head?
TMD: How were you able to drive?
R: Just fine. No seatbelt.
TMD: Does breast size matter?
R: A bit. I think it’s overrated, but it does matter.
TMD: Does penis size matter?
TMD: Who has the better sex organ, the man or woman?
TMD: Who has the stronger libido?
TMD: Yeah, like the sex drive.
R: Man. Hands down.
TMD: Is it unfair that women can repeatedly reach orgasm and never have to stop for a little rest?
R: Who says it’s only women?
TMD: Uh huh … How many women do you think Mick Jagger has slept with?
R: I have no clue. In his lifetime, more than a hundred. I don’t know.
TMD: Now, if he weren’t a ridiculously famous and pretty brilliant rock star, and just an ugly dude, how many women would he have slept with. Take away coolness-factor-from-rock-stardom?
R: So now he’s just an ordinary guy?
TMD: Yup. Just an ordinary ugly guy.
TMD: Are animals sexy when they mate?
TMD: Do you think animals feel anything when they have sex, or is it just instinct?
TMD: Is that the proof scientists have been searching for that man is the greatest species on earth?
TMD: Do you know what pheromones are?
TMD: What are they?
R: They are chemical signals that are given off and, depending on the type of signal, you get different reactions. Sex pheromones get people horny.
TMD: Do you believe they work?
TMD: Have you ever taken naked pictures of a girlfriend?
TMD: Have you ever let naked pictures be taken of you?
TMD: Say you had taken naked pictures of your girlfriend, and then she dumped your ass. Would you return them?
TMD: What’s your favorite color?
TMD: All right. Thanks a lot. This will be in Thursday’s paper.