The purpose of Halloween for the college crowd isn’t to have a scary costume. Those preteen days are over. These days it’s entirely too hard to down a beer or make out with someone wearing a “Friday the 13th” Jason mask. College costumes should be funny, sexy or badass, but ideally a combination of the three. These ideas that can be thrown together quickly and may help in your quest to get laughs, get laid or at least get ahead in the keg line.
For the incredibly lazy guy – Everyone has blue jeans, a white T-shirt and aviators. Put them together and you’re Maverick, Iceman or any of the other homoerotic flyboys from “Top Gun.” If anyone questions your costume, just get really close and click your teeth at them.
For the symbiotic couple – Guys, wear a suit, sunglasses and gel your hair. Girls, wear a nice dress and draw some tattoos of crosses, dragons and tigers on yourself. Grab some baby dolls (ethnically diverse preferred) from the Salvation Army and you’re everyone’s favorite planet-saving entity, Brangelina.
For the desperate girl – Wear your best lingerie with nothing else and you’re a French maid, mistress, madame, dancer or any other profession you’d like to justify by wearing 18 square inches of fabric in 30-degree weather.
For the desperate, slightly more creative girl – Lingerie and a cowboy hat makes you Nancy from “Sin City.” It doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen the movie – every guy has and will rate you a notch higher above a French maid for the effort.
For the desperate but clever guy – Wear medical scrubs and tell girls you’re Dr. Derek “McDreamy” Shepherd. It doesn’t matter what you actually look like. Any female on campus will jump on the chance to nail you if she can role play as Meredith Grey.
For the two friends trying real hard to be badasses – Each should wear a heavy black coat (no Northface allowed), black T-shirt and sunglasses. Get matching permanent-marker Virgin Mary neck tattoos. You can pretend you’re Irish for one more day a year while you roam the streets as the vigilantes from “Boondock Saints.” Plus you’ll be the two warmest people out there.
For the wannabe world savoir – All you need is a plastic gun, a pocketed vest and some balls to be CTU agent Jack Bauer. Run around yelling “We don’t have TIME!” in peoples’ faces. Then receive instructions from Chloe in your imaginary earpiece and run off again, screaming “NO TIME!”
For the “Office” fan – Tape three black construction paper circles in a column on your white T-shirt. When people ask what you are you tell them, “a three-hole punch version of (your name here).” If you don’t get this reference you need to have better taste in television.
For the die-hard horror freak – Duct tape a fake (or real) chainsaw to your left arm and hold a plastic shotgun in your right. Put on a severely ripped blue shirt and you’re the king himself, Ash from “Army of Darkness.” Take pride in having the coolest costume that no one will ever, ever get.
For the trend-spotter – All you need is a cheap suit, fake mustache, goofy smile and Jagshemash! Borat is the new Ron Burgundy, so try to be the first to hop on the bandwagon. Know at least 15 funny Borat quotes before going out. This is a perfect night to use, “We make sexy time?” It will probably work.
For the love of God, at least do something. Any respectable party won’t let you through the doors if you don’t have a costume, and by all rights they shouldn’t. Halloween is second only to St. Patrick’s as the best party weekend of the year, so just put in a little effort and you’ll have a lot more fun that you would otherwise.