In case you haven”t already heard, two University students referred to hereafter as “Garbage Dick” and “Pequeno Cojones” (little balls) have had their email exchanges widely dispersed to the University community, thanks largely to the efforts of an embittered ex-girlfriend and her supportive, albeit misguided, sorority sisters.

Paul Wong
Damn! screaming out (in Spanish, of course) to Pequeno Cojones in a fit of sexual frenzy. Apparently, size does not matter to Damn!<br><br>CHIP CULLEN/Daily

Garbage Dick, obviously a person who has had an extremely rough upper-class, Jewish New York life and isn”t afraid to tell you about it, has become an unwilling campus superstar thanks to a series of emails now being spread relentlessly by the largely “in state fag in schwag” student body.

The story behind the email is as follows: Garbage Dick and his girlfriend referred to hereafter as “The Bitch” had been on the rocks for some time. Garbage Dick had cheated on The Bitch and had only stayed with her because he had purchased a “non-refundable plane ticket and hotel reservations on lake tahoe with her.” Clearly, with that much of mom and dad”s money on the line, he wasn”t willing to leave her. The Bitch, meanwhile, had been spreading herself thin too (if you know what we mean), but Garbage Dick and The Bitch stayed together, irrespective of her “fidelity issues.”

However, as her nickname suggests, The Bitch wasn”t about to take the dissemination of their mutual bodily fluids lightly she went out with a bang, literally and figuratively.

Garbage Dick, under the premise of love, had given The Bitch his email password and she had been monitoring his email for several months before their fatal break-up. The last straw for The Bitch was reading several email exchanges between Garbage Dick and Pequeno Cojones, wherein the sexual exploitations of the two men were discussed in disgusting depth.

The misogyny started when Pequeno Cojones shared his tawdry doings with Garbage Dick. Pequeno Cojones, who is currently studying abroad in Spain (and will surely be sorry to come home) decided to immerse himself in Spanish culture in all sense of the word.

While taking Spanish dance lessons, he seduced his “vociferous” teacher referred to hereafter as “Damn!” During one of their heated trysts, Damn! began to yelp at Pequeno Cojones in Spanish, just “like a good girl should.” Pequeno Cojones, apparently taken aback, stopped his gyrating to ask for a translation, to which Damn! replied that he was “driving her nuts.” Satisfied with his minstrations, Pequeno Cojones continued on into what one can only imagine was certainly orgasmic bliss.

Garbage Dick, though clearly unsettled by the drift between himself and The Bitch, wasn”t to be outdone on the sexual scene.

After banging a “jap” (an Asian girl, not to be confused with a Jewish-American Princess), he found himself a new love. She is “a jewish mother”s dream a tight little package,” who is “totally dope 5″ 3″ 105 lbs huge tits perfect shape and loves the ld (long dong).”

We”re happy for you, Garbage Dick and hope that relationship is progressing well. We wonder, just as Pequeno Cojones did, if “your dick poke(s) her heart.”

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