When I first joined the Daily, I wasn”t sure which section of the paper I wanted to write for. I narrowed my decision down to writing sports or movie reviews for the arts section. The movies editor wanted me to write a few sample reviews and told me he may or may not be hiring new reviewers that semester. So here I am.

Paul Wong
Finish Line<br><br>Michael Kern

Don”t get me wrong. I am a huge sports fan and grateful for all of the opportunities that writing for the sports section has offered me. But after three years of it, I”ve had enough. I”m just tired of writing about Drew Henson or Brian Ellerbe.

So with my final column, I thought I”d do something a little bit different. Everyone writes about how wonderful their experience has been at the Daily or how college has been the best four years of their life.

College has been a great time for me, and I couldn”t have picked a better place to do it than here in Ann Arbor. But over these last few years here, there are a few things about this town that have really gotten under my skin.

So without further ado, here”s a list of my top five least favorite things about Ann Arbor and the University of Michigan.

5. I can”t get a decent slice of pizza anywhere in this town.

There must be 20 different places to buy a slice of pizza here, and for one reason or another, they all suck. Either the slices are too small (Backroom and Bell”s). It”s really shitty pizza (Diag Party Store). Or it costs way more than anyone should charge for a slice of pizza with some noodles on it (NYPD).

4. MSA

I”m sure I”ll get a few responses for this one, but so what. The Michigan Student Assembly is full of a bunch of pretentious resume builders who do little if anything to actually improve student life. In my four years at this University, I can”t tell you one thing that MSA has done that has affected my life in any possible way. So screw “em.

3. Off-campus student housing

Everyone has their horror stories, and to this point, I”ve never met a student who said that he/she had a truly wonderful experience and got the full value of what they spent for their living space.

Currently, my roommate and I are dealing with a sliding glass door that won”t fully shut and lock. To keep out unwanted guests, we have to jimmy the door shut with a metal bar. To name just a few of the 500 other problems, the front hall of our building smells like stale cigarettes and our front porch is littered with broken beer bottles on a daily basis. And I”d say our apartment is nicer than at least half of those on campus.

On that note, I”d like to send some special thanks to Juan the maintenance man for keeping our humble abode in such excellent condition. It truly is worth every penny of the $900 we spend each month.

2. Ann Arbor is a hopelessly mediocre bar town.

I”ve traveled all over the Big Ten and the eastern part of the United States covering sports for the Daily, and while Ann Arbor isn”t the worst bar town I have ever been to Evanston wins that in a landslide it certainly is nowhere near the best.

The drinks are weak, especially if they are part of any kind of deal. Aside from Dominick”s, none of the campus bars have any kind of originality. And except for the occasional garage band at Touchdowns, live music is rarely seen this side of Main Street.

1. Cell phones

I hate cell phones and the people that use them. Cell phones have gotten to the point in this town where they are more accessory than useful tool. No college student has the need to be that connected to the rest of society unless they sell drugs.

There are plenty of other things I hate: sand, most vegetables and water to name a few. But that”s another column entirely.

Enjoy the time you have left in Ann Arbor. And to quote Monty Python, always look on the bright side of life.

If you know Michael Kern even a little bit, you understand how he can spend his entire farewell column complaining. If not, he can be reached at mkern@umich.edu.

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