Hey, fellas, are any of you disappointed in what God gave you?
Its okay. Girls are forgiving – most of the time. But we absolutely
won’t tolerate sloppy threads. Mother Nature cannot be tampered
with, but the right clothes can really “show me what you’re working
with.” How you dress says a lot, especially on a large college
campus where the majority of girls have no idea who you are.
Whether you’re on a fraternity’s dance floor, walking across the
Diag or chugging a beer at Rick’s, a girl’s first “snapshot” of you
includes what you’re wearing – and, sorry to say, we will judge you
on it. The wrong duds can eliminate you faster than you’d like us
to forget the Ashton Kutcher craze. While I can’t vouch for every
girl out there, let’s just say you’ve been warned.
The Dryclean-only Fleece Is that what all Northface and
Patagonia fleeces say on their tag, because you guys sure act like
it. So many of my guy friends have their signature fleece (which is
kind of cute), but then they are wearing it every single time I see
them. While most college guys are more washer challenged than
average, you don’t have to be pathetic enough to throw it in the
load once a week. Got that? No girl wants to snuggle with you and
your sweat-into-all-week fleece (and yes, we can still smell that
it’s dirty even if you’ve just sprayed cologne). Even if it is
convenient and doubles as a block against the Michigan cold, a
little variety is always appreciated. Try a sweater, button-down
polo or long sleeve t-shirt.
Brandon Walsh Hair This hard-bodied boy may have been the
heartthrob of 90210, but NEWSFLASH it is not the 90s anymore.
Brandon’s hair seemed to have super glue holding it up a full two
inches during all ten years the show aired. And Dylan’s hair wasn’t
far behind. Guys, if you’re gonna use gel, use it responsibly.
Follow the bottle and use only a dime-sized amount, guiding it
through your hair gently so it stays in place. And please, don’t
make only the front strands flip up. A little flip is tolerable,
but don’t make your hair defy gravity – even if Brenda and Kelly
did appreciate it.
Magic Eye Prints Abercrombie and other outfitters of the
same ilk have started advertising shirts with – yikes – paisley
prints. But don’t be tempted to snag this trend. Take advice from
the hot Abercrombie models: they’re nearly commando in every shot,
so they obviously don’t like the shirts either. The same goes for
any shirt with a busy pattern, a metallic sheen or a tie dyed
design. Those signal a nerd, a washed-up player or a guy who is
colorblind.
The Tuck We are not on the set of “Leave It to Beaver.”
Please, pretty please, leave your cotton polos, button-downs and
t-shirts out of your pants (we’ll get there later even without your
shirt tails leading the way). And try this flattering trick: leave
the top and bottom two buttons undone. This leaves us with a
glimpse of the muscle-hugging white tee you have on under it and
creates a nice color contrast on top.
24/7 Hat Hair I know you all love your sports teams, but
do you guys have to wear a hat every single moment of the day? To
me, a hat says, “I’m hiding something.” I can’t see your lovely
locks, and I can’t see your eyes either. Girls don’t want a sweaty
Tigers bill ramming into their foreheads. Hats are especially not
recommended when taking a girl out to dinner.