8 Crazy Nights A Holiday film for that Festival of Lights which sometimes gets overlooked in favor of another holiday. Okay, not sometimes, all the time. Anyway, time to light the menorah. At Showcase: 11:35, 12:05, 1:20, 1:50, 3:40, 5:30, 7:35, 9:35, 11:15 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

8 Mile I don’t care what people say, Eminem does not play himself in this film. You know that hooded sweatshirt Jimmy wears during his first battle? Marshall never owned that. At Showcase: 11:50, 2:15, 4:35, 6:55, 9:10, 11:45 (Fri. and Sat.) 4 stars

Citizen Kane Rosebud is Charlie’s boyhood sled. At Madstone: 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:30

Die Another Day How does Bond get women with these lines? Seriously! I tried using that “what a nice view” line once and I didn’t get Halle Berry, I got a slap in the face. If only I were British. At Showcase: 10:45, 1:00, 1:30, 3:45, 4:15, 6:40, 7:10, 8:00, 9:25, 9:55, 12:10 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:40 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

Emperor’s Club There’s actually a scene where Kevin Kline goes to the edge of the ring and tags his partner, Robin Williams, who then takes center stage inspiring young minds and teaching us all another hearty lesson. At Showcase: 1:40, 4:20, 6:45, 9:05, 11:30 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

Extreme Ops So let me get this straight, Showcase Ann Arbor, I can either see this movie right before lunch or right before I go to bed. I think I’ll choose … neither. At Showcase: 11:30, 10:35 1 star

Friday After Next One may be the loneliest number but Saturday has to be the loneliest day. Come on, Cube, show us a little more weekend. At Showcase: 11:10, 1:10, 3:15, 5:25, 8:10, 10:10, 12:15 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets The next Harry Potter film includes a graphic scene of Harry and Ron laying down on side-by-side diving boards pleasuring themselves. Cuaron is a master. At Showcase: 11:45, 12:15, 12:45, 3:00, 3:30, 4:00, 6:30, 7:30, 9:45, 11:00 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

My Big Fat Greek Wedding Enough skirting the issue, I systematically hate everyone who has seen this movie more than once. You can’t tell me that it’s that good. “Oh, but it’s funny.” Shut the hell up! At Madstone: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:10 At Showcase: 6:50, 9:00, 11:10 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

Real Women Have Curves Movies sure can teach us stupid, ignorant masses a lot about living our lives the moral way and loving women for who they really are on the inside. Thank you, movie magic. At Madstone: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05 3 stars

The Ring Ooh, my precious. My precious. Am I talking about “the ring” or Naomi Watts? Does it matter? At Showcase: 12:25, 2:55, 5:20, 7:55, 10:20, 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 1/2 stars

The Santa Clause 2 You thought he would have read the fine print after that first reading error he made a couple years back but no, Kris Kringle ain’t that smart, kiddies. Hanukkah Harry always reads the fine print, after he puts his reading glasses on. At Showcase: 10:30, 12:35, 2:45, 4:55, 7:05, 9:15, 11:25 (Fri. and Sat.) 1.5 stars

Solaris Heaven? Solaris? Some other world? Whatever the solution might be, I do know that I never want to see Clooney’s ass for that long of time again in my life. At Madstone: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 At Showcase: 11:00, 1:15, 3:25, 5:35, 8:05, 10:15, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat.) 4 stars

Spirited Away In honor of my last time formally putting this section together, one last 4:20 joke: if one film deserves a 4:20 showing, it is this anime adventure. Thank you, thank you very much. At Madstone: 1:30, 4:15, 7:00, 9:30 4 stars

Standing in the Shadows of Motown You can’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk. Motown taught me that. At Madstone: 1:15, 3:30, 7:15, 9:30 4 stars

They Did it involve the F-word? At Showcase: 11:25, 1:35, 3:35, 5:45, 7:50, 10:05, 12:30 (Fri. and Sat.)

Treasure Planet Yo Disney, stick to the Pixar. Your regular animated features just don’t cut it anymore. A harsh but honest fact. At Madstone: 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00, 9:00 At Showcase: 10:35, 11:40, 12:40, 1:45, 2:45, 3:50, 4:50, 6:00, 7:00, 9:20, 11:20 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

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