8 Mile What “LOTR” did for tourism in New Zealand, “8 Mile” is not doing for tourism in Detroit. At Showcase: 10:45, 11:15, 1:15, 1:45, 4:10, 4:40, 7:20, 7:50, 9:45, 10:15, 11:55 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:25 (Fri. and Sat.) 4 stars

Frida Is it really such a revelation that Salma can act; didn’t anyone see “Fools Rush In?” At Showcase: 11:20, 1:50, 4:20, 6:50, 9:25 4 stars

The Godfather, Part II Masterpiece. Perfect way to end the series. Yes, this would have been the perfect way; let’s just pretend that third film never happened. At Madstone: 1:00, 7:00.

Half Past Dead You gotta give Seagal credit; at least his movies are still being released. We can’t say the same for the Muscles from Brussels, Jean-Claude. At Showcase: 10:50, 1:10, 2:35, 3:15, 5:25, 7:40, 8:30, 9:55, 10:30, 12:00 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:30 (Fri. and Sat) .5 stars

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets First Richard Harris and now, James Coburn. They always come in threes, you know. My prediction for who’s next: Marlon Brando. Who’ll give me odds?! At Showcase: 10:30, 11:00, 11:30, 12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30, 4:00, 4:30, 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00, 10:30 (Fri. and Sat.), 11:00 (Fri. and Sat.), 11:30 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

I Spy The original series was termed “integrated” by the network. This essentially meant one black character who was ultra-perfect and a bunch of white bodies around him. This fact comes courtesy of an undergraduate film degree at this fine university. At Showcase: 10:25, 12:20 (Fri. and Sat.) 2.5 stars

Jackass: The Movie The term “jackass” applies to anyone who actually spends their money on this movie instead of just watching the same stunts at home on TV for free. At Showcase: 11:40, 1:40, 3:40, 5:45, 8:10, 10:10, 12:05 (Fri. and Sat.) 2 stars

Mostly Martha Yeah, this is somehow still playing in AA but “Punch-Drunk” is now nowhere to be found. That makes a whole lot of sense. PTA is a god. At Madstone: 2:00, 4:30, 7:15, 9:25

My Big Fat Greek Wedding The viewing public disappoints me. PTA is still a god. At Madstone: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:10 At Showcase: 10:35, 12:35, 4:35, 6:35 3 stars

Real Women Have Curves It’s really nice that a film like this can come out and teach all of us such an important message. “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” What an original idea. At Madstone: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05 3.5 stars

The Ring Having seen this film a couple weeks ago, I am proud to announce that I am still alive. So all that bullshit about dying seven days later is just false. Then again, I did make a copy. Did you?! At Showcase: 12:15, 2:45, 5:10, 7:55, 10:20, 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 1/2 stars

The Santa Clause 2 Tim Allen’s real name is Tim Dick. Michael Keaton’s real name is Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas’s real name is … Michael Douglas. That last fact is just crazy, isn’t it? At Showcase: 10:30, 12:40, 2:50, 5:00, 7:10, 9:20, 11:35 (Fri. and Sat.) 1.5 stars

Spirited Away I don’t know about you but the whole time I couldn’t stop thinking that Chichiro and Lilo from “Lilo and Stitch” are the same person. Daveigh Chase did both voices but I’m sure I just know way too much about movies and should shut the hell up right now. At Madstone: 1:30, 4:15, 7:00, 9:30 4 stars.

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