Back in 2001, then-Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Borland announced he would be departing from the band. Music fans everywhere rejoiced at the prospect of Limp Bizkit’s timely demise. Unfortunately for them, frontman Fred Durst had other ideas on his mind. Determined to reclaim the respect that he likes to believe he once had, Durst changed the band name from Limp Bizkit to the ridiculous limpbizkit, and recruited former Snot guitarist Mike Smith in order to “co-headline” a three month summer tour with Linkin Park and Metallica. The end result, limpbizkit’s fourth studio album, Results May Vary, is Freddy D. and Company’s latest gift to the young MTV-loving demographic.

Janna Hutz

After an annoying intro that likely no one will ever listen to, the album begins with the first single, “Eat You Alive,” a song about Fred’s obsession with an unnamed “hot” female. (Britney, are you listening?) The song sports some of the most absurd lyrics ever heard, including lines like “no doubt that I’d love to sniff on them panties now.” (Can you say “Restraining order?”) Lyrics aside, the song is fairly enjoyable. Smith’s guitar riff grooves pretty hard, making them sound like an actual metal band, a rare occurrence on this album.

From there, the album just gets progressively worse. Not even the Doggfather himself can save “Red Light – Green Light,” the song is just plain bad. The worst though has to be their cover of the Who’s “Behind Blue Eyes.” Making your own song sound like shit is one thing; making someone else’s fine song sound like shit is damn near criminal. Limpbizkit does just that with Fred’s added lyrics (“No one knows how to say / That they’re sorry and don’t worry / I’m not telling lies”) and obnoxious synth effects, guaranteed to make even the casual Who fan wince. Now that I think of it, everyone will wince after hearing this record.

Rating: 1 star













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