To the collective majority:

Paul Wong
Residents of Kabul ride bicycles past a northern alliance tank with a soldier standing on top in the Afghan capital yesterday afternoon, a day after the Northern Alliance entered the capital after Taliban troops fled.<br><br>AP PHOTO

So, you”re about to win. That”s easy enough to see. You”re hard working. You”re entrenched. Your Microsoft Word Office Assistant assumed this was a letter, thus assisting me.

And your McDonalds made me throw up this afternoon.

Rest assured, your war makes me quiver and cry and I won”t do anything but run away from it.

A great many minds have been won by your consensus reality and you”re pretty big on this triumph.

You”ve got control over the indoctrination systems and your media makes me want to hate Eurasia because we”ve always been at war with Eurasia.

Oh, don”t forget you”re draining the earth like it”s your capitalist playpen, leaving nothing behind for your children.

Unless you”re manifesting apocalypse, you”ve got to wake up from your pathology. I”m a pessimistic idealist, so this makes me long for our collective death and (idealistically) rebirth. But don”t count on it.

And with your petty politics, you”ve disenfranchised me.

Recently I”ve decided that the only patriarchy I”ll get on my knees for is the kind that fills my mouth with phallic bliss. And boys, you better be hung.

Everyman has no idea what freedom is because freedom is mystical.

Reading this, you might think I”m pretentious because I think I have all the answers. I don”t even want to listen to your questions.

When the majority is wrong, the few men of hubris have several options (in no particular order):

1) The few can trust their senses and allay doubt that the majority is wrong. These people will go out to “make it” in the world. They “buy” “it,” stock options and all. Don”t do this. You know they”ll rip your face off and sell it back to you. Envision lemmings marching to their graves. Cue Simpsons theme music.

2) They can drop out and ride the waves of their solipsism. Warning: This leads to radical behavior! It”s likely that “the system” will “catch up” to these people and they will be eliminated.

3) They can give up and become consumers of television, alcohol, coffee and pornography. This means cultural death. These cattle can be kept alive until it”s time to suit them up for a ground war.

4) They can become entrenched, active and uncompromising. The men of conscience can tell the majority to go fuck itself.

5) The few can join the marines and be proud. (See category 1).

6) They can make lists.

There once was a man from Kennebunkport

Father loomed so large kiddie felt short

And son said with a grin, wiping oil from his chin

“Though my dad”s not a tittie, he”ll still comfort.”

There is a place ahead of us where there is no change. Maybe we”ll pursue the accumulation of knowledge to the end of its worth and declare time irrelevant. Wouldn”t that just be the living end? Well, literally, it would!

Academia could probably whoop this problem of history if it wanted to. It has enough momentum.

Then I hung vaginas with Jim one cold fall night after a bomber. I was trying to come to terms with the scariness of the female sex organ, which I copied from a coloring coloring book. When I taped them up they were supposed to be some kind of Gaian vortex that ripped matter open to the source of all life.

But back to the majority! Your CIA should be abolished, because it deals in drugs for soft money and killed Harlem with crack and heroin.

Has anyone else been listening to passing rumor?

I hate you because your media did not make me numb to violence, but all the more adamantly opposed to it. At the same time I”m disempowered to do anything about it.

I should have no reason to be afraid or think myself a criminal, except my studiomate is now defined as a “domestic terrorist” under the anti-terrorism bill because he was arrested in Washington, D.C. for an anti-globalization protest.

If we are going to get off this rock alive, our idea of work has to be made into play. Otherwise the men in their uniforms will march all over the face of the earth.

My eulogy to that great horror:

Farewell to savage beast.

If one must work to get through life,

one always travels least.

A passing train reminds me of my dream to be a hobo.


There is still the sense of dread that you”re going to smite the undesirables.

I just want to be out of the system! Don”t you? Or did you all buy a flag and trust that it would work for you?

Why does your society have to dominate? Except in sex, there”s no excuse for power.

Collective, you”ve inherited a “revolution in underarm protection,” which is probably a registered trademark and not to be our legacy.

So I stopped wearing deodorant. Maybe you should too.

Josh Wickerham is a creatively-stifled and long-time columnist rights advocate. He can be reached via e-mail at jwickerh@umich.edu.

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