9 – SO ABOUT GRADUATION…

Months after construction on the Big House began, the administration admits that they had forgotten about the trivial detail that it won’t be available for commencement. Instead, the premiere plan is that graduation will be hosted at Eastern Michigan University’s stadium. And we thought losing to Appalachian State was bad.

3 – DON’T DO DRUGS

The campaign trail has come to Michigan. With hometown connections to the state, Romney assured voters that if he goes to the White House he will focus on improving Michigan’s economic situation. Yet, one of his main stops on Monday was at Grand Blanc High School, where he addressed a crowd generally too young to vote. He urged them to not do drugs or have children before marriage. Well at least if he loses the Republican nomination, he can now go into motivational speaking.

8 – BUSH’S CHANGE OF HEART

Decades of bloodshed in the Middle East have passed and now President Bush has stepped in to mediate peace talks between Israel and Palestine. Such a concord between the two sides, he says, is likely to happen by the end of the year. After two terms of much more aggressive tactics in the east, Bush is finally aiding in negotiation. Maybe he will be better at this than he was with his war on terror.

4 – WE ARE ALL AT WAR

China has declared war. A war against plastic bags. Terrorism, Iraq, plastic bags – what aren’t we in a war against? With the exponential growth of China’s requirement for oil, this seems to a drop in the environment bucket. But while we’re at it, why not start a war with cancer or poverty? I’ve heard that they have some serious weapons of mass destruction.

6 – RODRIGUEZ SAYS ‘NO THANKS’

As the investigation of the destroyed CIA tapes continues, former CIA official, Jose Rodriguez has refused to testify unless he is given immunity. Being the person who requested for the removal of this evidence, Rodriguez and his attorney realize the danger of being involved in such a hearing. Well, if everyone knew all you had to do was kindly ask for immunity in such cases, maybe our difficulty with overcrowded prisons could be resolved.

1 – THRILLER AUTHOR

This weekend, O.J. Simpson was taken back into custody after violating his bail terms for his armed robbery case. He contends his innocence in the case, but if convicted he could face up to a life sentence in prison with the possibility of parole. Maybe this will finally lead to a successful book deal after If I Did It went unreleased, next time we see his name in the headlines it could be: O.J. Simpson, New York Times Bestselling Author.

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