After days of nomination hearings that didn’t produce answers, Senate Democrats are threatening to oppose confirmation of attorney general nominee Michael Mukasey unless he answers in writing about whether he believes waterboarding is illegal. Senate Republicans just suggested that they tie him down and simulate drowning until he answers.

Watered down answers

Rating: 8 out of 10

Bringing racism back

Reversing its position that all images of the former mascot Chief Illiniwek would be banned from university activities, University of Illinois administrators allowed the stereotypical image to be displayed during the homecoming parade last weekend. Administrators were hoping to teach one important lesson: If you want to promote racist stereotypes at sporting events, take it outside please.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Scared stupid

If you thought sexy nurse outfits was this year’s most popular Halloween costume, you probably missed a perennial favorite – paranoia. Whether it’s the New Jersey elementary school that banned Batman’s utility belt or the misguided Michigan legislature that is keeping reformed sex offenders from using their porch lights, nothing goes better with a Butterfinger than a little overreaction.

Rating: 7 out of 10

No strings attached

After receiving a gift of $35 million in 1961 to support the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, Princeton University is being sued by the donor’s children for not adhering to the donation’s original intent. Thankfully, the University of Michigan never accepts absurdly large donations that come with petty strings attached. (Cough, Stephen Ross, cough.)

Rating: 5 out of 10

Certified non-Hitler artwork

Three years and more than $100,000 after starting its investigation, the University of Michigan Museum of Art can now proudly say that most of its artwork is believed to probably not have been possibly stolen by Nazis. As an important follow-up, the University hopes to maybe find out if any of its artwork was potentially stolen from people who may have been Native Americans.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Nuthin’ but a court battle

Rapper Dr. Dre will likely be facing trial after three former Detroit city employees, including former police Commander Gary Brown, sued the rapper when a videotape of the three asking concert producers to not show nudity at a 2000 Detroit concert made it onto a Dr. Dre DVD.

Rating: 2 out of 10

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