5-Pimp My Family

Hillary Clinton said she was offended last week when an MSNBC correspondent described her daughter Chelsea as being “pimped out in some weird way” by the Clinton campaign. Though the wording is offensive, it’s hard to think of a better way to describe Chelsea’s responsibilities, which include meeting with superdelegates to persuade them (by any means necessary?) to vote for Hillary. And it invites you to ask: how do you describe the way Hillary is using Bill in the campaign?

9-A Greenwashed Hoax

According to two studies released last week, biofuels like ethanol are responsible for more total greenhouse gas emissions than conventional fuels when the process of producing them is taken into account. These studies seem to show what most of us knew all along – biofuels are more about making us feel good about ourselves than about saving the environment. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to refuel my hybrid Cadillac Escalade.

1-Crackberry Breakdown

A Blackberry outage caused by a server failure on Monday afternoon left millions of mobile phone users unable to check their e-mail while in class, at business meetings, in the bathroom and so forth. Didn’t hear about this large-scale humanitarian crisis? Maybe your Blackberry-addicted friends didn’t tell you because they don’t know how to communicate without their little cellular sidekicks anymore.

5-A Presidential Professor

With all the hype over the upcoming American presidential election, and the return of “American Gladiators”, and a new “American Pie” movie (the uproarious “American Pie Presents: Beta House”) it’s easy to forget that other countries exist. But after a first round of voting over the weekend, in which the Czech parliament failed to crown a winner, Czech expatriate and Ross School of Business Prof. Jan Svejnar is still fighting incumbent Vaclav Klaus to become president of the Czech Republic. Way to go, Jan. Just remember: You’re for Hope and Change.

3-An Obsession Unleashed

This week’s 132nd Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, held at Madison Square Garden, brought together 2,500 dogs from 169 breeds, as well as thousands of people who should never, under any circumstances, be allowed to have children. Harsh, but if we let these people treat their children the way they do these dogs, we’d have thousands of impeccably dressed and groomed sociopaths on the loose, and that’s something we just don’t need.

6-A Diag Graduation

After about a month of vehement complaining and Ypsilanti-bashing by students, the University announced last week that this year’s spring commencement will be held on the Diag rather than Elbel Field, Crisler Arena or Eastern Michigan’s Rynearson Stadium. It may not be Michigan Stadium, but most students seem appeased by the decision. After all, you don’t get your real diploma at graduation, and what better place than the Diag to get handed a worthless piece of paper?

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *