Due to a sharp increase in demand for student football tickets, the Athletic Department has had the unpleasant job of deciding who gets screwed in the deal. First, officials tried to give some graduate students the lowest ticket priority. The policy was reversed after they protested. The Athletic Department has now decided to pass on the buck to students on the University’s Flint and Dearborn campuses, who promptly protested. Maybe the Athletic Department should take away tickets from the drunken tailgaters who don’t show up until halftime. They’re not real fans anyway.

The Big House isn’t big enough

Rating: 3 out of 10

Mahmoud the little brother

Iran announced yesterday that it plans to triple the number of centrifuges at the country’s main uranium enrichment facility. Some experts dismissed the announcement as a political gambit, particularly because it came on the same day Ahmadinejad went on the air to accuse the U.S. of using the 9/11 attacks as a “pretext” for the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan. For some reason, Ahmadinejad seems to get no greater pleasure than from annoying the United States. Maybe we should just ignore him. Otherwise, we’re just giving him what he wants.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Mccain with a side of Rice?

After a former White House spokesman let it slip on Sunday that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is pushing to become John McCain’s running mate in this year’s presidential election, Rice denied it yesterday. If selected, Rice – who is not only a black woman but also describes herself as somewhat pro-choice – could add some crucial diversity to the Republican ticket. Rice told reporters that she still plans to return to her post as a professor at Stanford but didn’t rule out the possibility. Seems like vice president’s a better job, if only to avoid those tedious office hours.

Rating: 6 out of 10

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