After months of waiting, Sunday finally came, delivering the best commercials of the year and, of course the Super Bowl. The undefeated New England Patriots held onto a small lead until the final minute of the game when the New York Giants scored the winning touchdown. One of the biggest surprises in football history; it’s too bad the halftime show didn’t follow suit. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers started with “American Girl” – who would have guessed?

Super bowl Shake-ups

Rating: 5 out of 10

If i had a nickel for every time…

Well, Hillary Clinton got a little emotional again. During a visit to Yale University, Hillary became teary-eyed when reminiscing about her days there. The story showed up soon after on several news outlets. If you kept track of every time someone shed a tear while conjuring up those sentimental images of the past, well you wouldn’t have time to be reading this, would you? Soon we’ll be taking bets on how many times Clinton will cry before the November election.

Rating: 3 out of 10

Spring break warning

For those of you hitting the slopes in a few weeks for Spring Break, take heed. Two skiers went missing this past weekend in Lake Tahoe, but were safely found and picked up by a helicopter on Monday – and these skiers were supposedly experts. Who knows, it could be you next. Then you’ll wish you had given into the college masses and traveled to some warm paradise, where the worst that can happen is a bad hangover.

Rating: 2 out of 10

Call the landlord

Last week, there was a massive Internet outage across several countries. It came after damage to multiple undersea cables, and experts say it could be a week before the problem is completely corrected. Compare this to the chaos that ensues when a single house’s internet goes down for a few hours, let alone the University’s server. When CTools malfunctions, you can hear the cries of students across campus. It doesn’t make us seem a bit fanatical, does it?

Rating: 6 out of 10

Dr. Cleo, geneticist and psychic

In a few short months, you will be able to purchase online genetic screening for certain mental illnesses. Simply send in a sample and you can learn if you have certain gene variants that might cause illnesses like bipolar disorder. Next up, you will be able to purchase test results predicting your chances of being a millionaire, having attractive children and finding contentment at the end of your life. Just a bit of saliva and your credit card is all it takes to reveal your future!

Rating: 6 out of 10

Microsoft targets yahoo

Last week, Microsoft made an aggressive bid for Yahoo!, which left Google scrambling to make a competitive offer. If Microsoft acquires the Internet company, it will control an even greater portion of the Internet world, sending many into a panic about the antitrust laws. The rest of the world, however, knows that nothing can stop Microsoft as they slowly take over. While we select a new president, Bill Gates laughs at our naivete.

Rating: 7 out of 10

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *