Ed Martin, flat tops, frat boys and Moonbeam: Sounds like Ann Arbor

Let’s start our journey down memory lane with a look at the Nov. 3, 2001 event. It was the last time we saw the rabies-infested Wolverines walk out of Spartan Stadium with their tails between their legs.

Moving on, let’s just forget about the monstrosity of a basketball team and the season it put together last year. While our team struggled to find consistent play, I’d rather have a team led by the fiery Tommy Izzo than Tommy “is my flat-top still in” Amaker.

While we’re on the subject of basketball, let’s not forget the most newsworthy person in Michigan basketball history, Ed Martin – a.k.a. “Big Daddy Fat Sacks.” Seeing C-Webb sweat over his indictment by the FBI and hearing Jalen Rose admit to taking a few $100 handshakes from Martin brought tears to my eyes.

Knowing the possible sanctions that lie ahead for this once-sacred Maize-and-Blue program saddens me. I used to love watching Shawn Respert and Eric Snow duel with the Fab Five growing up.

Now I know this rivalry will never reach the hysteria it created in the past. Thanks for ruining something good.

Moving right along, wait a minute, what’s this, someone is refusing to browse through what you call a newspaper on purpose.

Now I know this is a sensitive subject, but it doesn’t help the image of your fine publication, but keep up the good work.

Enough with this depressing review of Michigan sports, let’s look at the real reasons why it’s better to bleed Green and White.

Every year your columns blast us for being a cow college. Well, that is exactly what we are. We are one of the top agricultural schools in the country.

People who come to MSU come here because they want to come to a good program. It’s not that we are some second-hand byproduct that got rejected from Michigan, it’s simple – we didn’t want to go to the school in Ann Arbor.

I know for a fact that everyone in the MSU School of Journalism came here to get a solid education. Also, the parties up here are 100 times better than anything that can ever be conceived in Ann Arbor.

Let’s run through the group of people you’d see at a party in Michigan. You got Dirk the frat boy from New Jersey, who forgot his name just minutes ago. You got Moonbeam, who’s trying to save the planet one-potted plant at a time. And finally, Brad, the sophisticated, sweater-wearing square who philosophizes everything while blowing away all of daddy’s money.

I’m not saying that these kind of people represent everyone that goes to Ann Arbor, but I think it’s a fair assessment.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a few good things about Michigan.

Hash Bash always is a good time and the nightlife is hip.

But that’s about it.

Anyway, I can guarantee when the Spartans and the Wolverines square off for the 95th time in the Big House, it’s going to be a battle.

I’m not going to give any predictions, but I do expect Martin-like boosters to be on hand, I expect to see Webber sweating it out and I expect Amaker’s squad to be trimming their flat-tops.

Ryan Wallace, State News Sports Editor, would just like to say: W is for wins, H is for home field advantage, O is offense, R is for rivalry, E is for end zone and S is for sacks. Put them all together and what does it spell … reach him at wallac89@msu.edu.