This is some ol’ bullshit.

Todd Weiser

As the result of a plot designed by the man, I was “required” to write this review against my will. Now, everyone here at this publication knows DAMN WELL that I only review hip-hop and R&B. Naturally, when I received last Tuesday, the new Dave Mitchell Band joint, I did not hesitate in throwing it back into their pasty-white faces with a resounding “kiss my black ass.” However, they threatened my job if I didn’t provide, saying something along the lines of “we own you do it or else,” or some racist trash like that. You see, this is nothing more than another brother being used as a pawn in the mass marketing of the man’s product such utter disregard for goods produced and businesses run by our people is an absolute travesty!

The other day I was talking with my good friend Bobby Seale on my black cell phone about this foolishness. He told me, “X, don’t forget what Huey and I fought for all those years ago. Keep a steady head, and play their game for the time being. Our time will come soon.” So I said to myself that I may as well write this review in order to keep my job besides, I know that I am not getting paid anywhere near the amount of cream that my pasty-faced counterparts receive, so I have to struggle that much harder. I need this job … semiautomatic guns and gas grenades aren’t cheap, you know.

Before I even pulled the CD out of the case, I notice a band full of brothers, and two white cats. I mean, what the hell is the deal with that?!?!? Are they there just to fill some damn quota? Or is “Massa” Dave forcing them to play bad music-depriving them of food and beating them with guitar strings? Look at the frowns on their faces they look as if they about ready to stick a drumstick up “Massa” Dave’s ass. I mean, I would be unhappy too if I were one of the token black men designated just to appeal to a demographic. Come on home, brothers come on home.

So anyway, I reluctantly shove the disc into the player of my black Ford, and I am greeted to nothing other than the brain-bending sound of loud, highly obnoxious electric guitars. What kind of mess is this? My speakers and my ears are not accustomed to this twisted product of the white man’s mind! I thought my ears were gonna start bleeding! See, we were all chillin’ out, just content with our African rhythms, and then you go and expose us to THAT garbage? That’s not even the worst part! This Dave Mathers guy is wailing and whining like a bitch all throughout the record about dumb shit that has absolutely no relevance to me as a BLACK man. My people weren’t oppressed for 400 years just to listen to Dave Miller spout his propaganda. To be honest with you, this guy comes off as heterosexually challenged, if you know what I mean. No real man with a properly functioning jimmy could possibly sound like such a herb (“a herb” is to stay like it is, … D.S.) over music like he does. Thank you, my dominant oppressor, for forcing me to waste an hour of my life listening to this insurmountable pile of crap.

I couldn’t possibly care less about Dan Matthews or his god-awful band. They can take this album and distribute it over in Worchester, Mass where someone actually may care about it. As far as I am concerned, it’s music like this that sets us back as a people. Was Radio Rahiem playing this on his boombox? Would you hear this crap at The Source Awards (talk about a fight breaking out)? Of course not! People, we need to elevate! Boycott him and his propaganda so that we may put a stop to this kind of music once and for all! I don’t know this Dave Mason guy personally, but I can tell you one thing when the revolution comes, he’ll have a front-row seat for the showing of the barrel of my 12-gauge! Fight the power, and bury this CD as far into the earth as you can. Just don’t bury it in the white snow they want that!

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