Declaring that the student newspaper no longer represents their views, a group of senior Michigan Daily staffers announced their intention yesterday to divest all intellectual stock from the 112-year-old publication.
“This newspaper is a travesty,” Daily Editor in Chief Jon Schwartz exclaimed, to the rabid cries of a crowd of angry seniors outside the Student Publications Building. “For too long it has made a mockery of the true issues facing college seniors. We submitted our resignations this afternoon to protest the lack of coverage relevant to our interests.”
The group, adopting the name Seniors Allied for a Better Daily?!?!?!?!, put forth a list of demands. SABD?!?!?!?! expressed disgust at the moniker “LSA senior,” contending that the title does not adequately represent the trials and tribulations of three years of rigorous academic study. The group called for a title more representative of the senior class’ cumulative wisdom.
“This decision did not come easily to us,” Schwartz said. “It was only after long, painful hours of deliberation and frustratingly fruitless meetings with the lower classes of the newspaper that we were forced to resort to this drastic measure.”
Schwartz and about 20 other seniors pledged not to write for or edit The Michigan Daily until their demands are realized or until they graduate, whichever comes first.
But Louie Meizlish, who is poised to take over Schwartz’ position, called SABD?!?!?!?!’s claims “utterly baseless.”
“We have striven to publish all stories that have relevance to the University’s student body,” Meizlish said. “Besides, Schwarz has been in charge of the newspaper for an entire year. He had the power to change the content of the paper anytime he wanted.”
Meizlish said the defection of most of its senior class will have a negligible affect on the overall quality of the newspaper.
Meanwhile, United Students Against Activism converged on the Student Publications Building to stage a counter protest.
“Student activism on this campus has reached a new level of absurdity,” USA President Luke Dickerson said. “Our group appeals to the vast numbers of apathetic students. Our mission is to wipe out nonsensical activist tendencies in the student body.”