5.  Ron Artest’s Rap Career — Well, it looks like the basketball thing isn’t happening for him this season, so he may as well focus on producing the worst CD this side of K.O.B.E. That fan with the beer sure looked threatening …

Beth Dykstra
(Courtesy of FOX)

4.  The Facebook — Maybe it’s because students are lusty for friends, but this thing is awesome. There are so many features to keep even the most studious kid away from their homework. Check it out at www.thefacebook.com and be sure to join the David Hasselhoff Fan Club.

3.  “Seinfeld” on DVD — It’s almost here! It’s almost here! The greatest sitcom of all time arrives on DVD for the fans who can’t survive just watching the 17 repeats on every night. Not that there’s anything wrong with that …

2.  “Closer” — We fully expect the Mike Nichols-directed film to be a fine cinematic achievement, but more importantly, it will be the greatest DVD of all time. Why you ask? A deleted scene featuring a nude Natalie Portman. Amazon is now taking pre-orders.

1.  “The O.C.” — Seth is bumming on Summer. Ryan is acting like a nerd. Marissa is freaking out. Could this show get any better? Yes, only if Ron Artest decides to give up rap and join the cast of FOX’s stylish soap. Or at least until Chrismukkah returns.

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