5. Real World / Road Rules Gauntlet – Washed-up reality stars come back for more on the latest MTV challenge with even more ‘roided-up, hairless males and attention-whoring females. There’s nothing quite as funny as seeing 35-year-old out-of-shape contestants struggling to keep up with the younger generation. Throw in a bunch of tension compounded from previous seasons and perennial alcoholic/Gauntlet beast Ruthie getting eliminated this week, and you’ve got one of the most entertaining ways to spend a cold Ann Arbor night.
4. Isiah/Simmons beef – The Knicks GM told Stephen A. Smith on his radio show that if he sees sportswriter Bill Simmons on the street, “it’s gonna be a problem with me and him.” A South Side Chicago Bad Boy who once punched his own teammate versus a sheltered New England writer? We’ll go with the Isiah. Trust us, we work with a lot of pale New Englanders.
3. Scott Storch – Not only has this awkward white guy produced most of the shitty songs associated with equally mediocre rappers (see Mr. Cent’s “Candy Shop” and Fatty Joe’s “Get It Poppin’ “), but a recent New York Times article shows him buying new-money yellow diamonds and talking about giving Paris Hilton a Bentley for her birthday. To summarize, Timbaland is now a bodybuilder, Pharrell has gotten too big for his britches and Storch is suddenly self-important. Remember when rappers were the only ones with big egos?
2. Ying Yang Twinz, “Shake” featuring Pitbull – Yes, the Twinz are ridiculously foul. Yes, the creepy horror synths fill the dance floor. And, of course, Pitbull upstages everyone, getting nasty stuff on the radio by rapping in Spanish and using slang he probably shouldn’t:
White Daily staffer: “I didn’t know Hispanic rappers could say the ‘N’ word now.”
Black Daily staffer: “Neither did I!”
1. UGG boots – It snowed! You don’t look like a fucking idiot anymore. Congratulations.