Returning to Daily tradition, the editorial board presents
the winners of its 2003-04 Edgar winners. The Edgars are awarded to
public figures and personalities best resembling the qualities of
former FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover.
- Condoleezza Rice Edgar for Public Disclosure, to University
President Mary Sue Coleman for her unwillingness to disclose the
administration’s plans to handle issues facing the
University, ranging from the budget deficit to the demands of
Student Voices in Action. The tight-lipped Coleman would only
admit, “we have work to do.”
- Ralph Nader Spoiler Vote Edgar, to OPP for its decisive role in
the Michigan Student Assembly presidential election.
- Saddam Hussein Free Election Edgar, to Students First for its
commitment to MSA’s pluralistic party system.
- William Shakespeare Proficiency in the English Language Edgar,
to President Bush.
- Three Men in a Tub Edgar, to U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney,
U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anton in Scalia and a Duck, for the fun
times they had on their “hunting” trip.
- Bert and Ernie Questionable Friendship Edgar, to Bush and
British Prime Minister Tony Blair for their unlikely partnership.
Everyone said it would never last, but boy did they show us.
- Jimmy Hoffa Edgar, to Osama bin Laden. Is he in the caves of
the Afghan desert or on the corner of Maple and Telegraph
- Bob Dole Edgar for Most Disappointing Performance to the
Michigan football team’s Rose Bowl performance.
- Jason Z. Pesick Unnecessary Initial Edgar to Vice President for
Student Affairs E. Royster Harper. Eunice is so much less
- Michael Moore 2003 Oscar Edgar, to Student Voices in Action. It
was well-intentioned but obnoxious.
- The Department of Homeland Security Edgar, for the Law
Enforcement Agency with the Most Misplaced Priorities, to the
Department of Public Safety. Keep handing out those MIPs!
- Terrance and Phillip Acceptable Canadian Edgar, to Michigan
Gov. Jennifer Granholm.
- Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again on My Own”
Edgar, to Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox. He’s proven no
woman can pin down Mike Cox.