Most people would tell you that music is the greatest of diversions, a form of recreation meant to entertain, enliven and make you forget about reality for a while.
But we believe that music can be useful, too: It can fuel social revolution, it can make doing the laundry easier, it can make your walk to class seem that much shorter.
It can also help you get some. Sex, that is.
With Valentine”s Day less than a week away, you can expect an increase in grooves being gotten on, boots being knocked and asses being tapped if, that is, would-be lotharios cue up the proper make-out music.
To ensure campus-wide copulation, we”ve prepared a list of tunes worthy of any “Totally Awesome Love Songs” mix tape. Sure, mood lighting and a light Merlot are important, but without the right groove, you just won”t get any. Sex, that is.
(Note: Barry White will not be represented on this countdown, because the last thing you need when trying to get it on is a rumbling clich.)
10. “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye If you”re going to bust out this 1982 smash hit when “just hanging out” with that special someone, you”d better be pretty damn sure that you”re with the right person. Marvin”s claim “When I get that feeling/I want sexual healing” is pretty hard to misinterpret. If they”re not feeling your/Marvin”s magic, you could end up needing a different kind of healing.
9. tie: “Love of a Lifetime” by Firehouse and “More than Words” by Extreme Despite the fact that most college-aged individuals haven”t associated romance with this pair of songs since awkward, sweaty-palmed middle school dances, they still pack a naive, idealistic, pre-grunge punch in the bedroom. Indeed, these tunes recall a fonder era when a woman could be won over with climax-inducing mid-song key modulations and b.s. lyrics about a “love that”s, like, totally inexpressable, like, beyond words.”
8. “Untitled (How Does it Feel)” by D”Angelo The original version, in fact, told exactly how it feels, but it proved unworkable since it included a list of ecstatic (read: unsuitable for print) adjectives that stretched longer than D”Angelo”s stiff, totally massive forearm. Words like “felchable,” “rubbed up,” “frictatious” and “ass-tappingly orgasmic.”
7. “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin By far the longest track on our countdown, Zep”s coup de grace must be approached in a specific manner in order to achieve its full make-out potential. The first four minutes and 22 seconds of gentle guitar and Robert Plant”s soft vocals provide the perfect opportunity for foreplay. When Bonzo comes in, the clothes should just be coming off, and as Jimmy Page hits the first few screeching notes of his epic solo, it”s time for dirty lovin”. What you decide to do with the inappropriately bombastic drumfill at the 6:25 mark is your own personal business.
6. “You Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC “Well, the walls were shakin”/The earth was quakin”/My mind was achin”/We were makin” it” this one speaks for itself.
5. “Take My Breath Away” by Berlin What American schoolboy hasn”t daydreamed about the first time he”ll don a leather bomber jacket, sit atop his motorcycle and kiss Kelly McGillis while Berlin plays in the background? It”s simply one of those rites of passage, one that ranks right up there with having sex with Rebecca DeMornay on a subway train or impressing Elisabeth Shue with your high-energy bartending skills.
4. “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers How righteous were the Righteous Brothers and how unchained was their melody? Extremely righteous and absurdly unchained, in fact, making this early “60s blue-eyed soul smash perfect for any late-night make-out session, whether or not you happen to be engaging in amateur pottery crafting.
3. “When a Man Loves a Woman” by Percy Sledge Sure, it wasn”t Valentine”s Day when Brian Cooper was killed in Vietnam, but that didn”t prevent Kevin Arnold from sharing an intimate rendezvous with his paramour Winnie as this tune played in the background. If you find yourself making out to this one, though, hopefully you won”t hear Daniel Stern”s voice retrospectively describing your hookup.
2. Al Green “Let”s Stay Together” If every relationship on the rocks had at least one member as soulful and earnest as Al Green, there”d be no need for marriage counselors or restraining orders. But even if you don”t have any desire for your relationship to last any longer than breakfast, the Rev. Green has plenty of love and happiness to offer, so you”ll never have to be tired of being alone.
1. “Let”s Get it On” by Marvin Gaye Some people like oral sex. We prefer aural sex, which is why we picked this uber-sensual No. 1 hit as the greatest make-out groove of all time. The slinky wah guitar, the just-can”t-wait vocals of the late Mr. Gaye, the near-subliminal background whispers if you”ve got even an ounce of what-it-takes or what-you-need, you just can”t miss with this one. And if you feel like I feel, baby, then c”mon ohhhh!